Sunday 31 January 2010: It's the last day of Sarah's sick-leave and flash diet and time to go back to the land of the living and working!!!

Sarah says:
I am so glad I go back to work tomorrow! Three weeks is long to be in the hospital and then on bed-rest! I miss fresh air and working and people! I feel good. Ready! And also as if I have lost some weight this week thanks to the "flash diet!" This week I will still take it easy physically but next week I hope to start riding my bike again and using the cross-trainer. I will keep up my diet of course as I still have a long way to go! I almost look forward to being weighed on Tuesday night. I'm not even sure I will weigh less than the last weigh-in a few weeks before I went into the hospital because definitely gained some weight in the hospital and in the week or so after. But I am on the good and right track again and feel great - other than a little back pain here and there!

Above you can see what I ate today (in my attempt to lose weight - I'm posting photos of what I eat everyday for a week - today is the last day of the photo taking and it has been fun and great and worthwhile I highly recommend it).
In the above photo you can see:
Breakfast at 11 am: (it's Sunday after all!): finally got some more frozen blueberries in the house again so did my favorite - all bran, frozen blueberries, flax seed, almond slices and light soy milk with a cup of coffee with light soy milk

Lunch/Snack at 2pm: a big bowl of the carrot, chick-pea, coriander soup I made yesterday and a pieces of toast with nothing on it.

Snack at 2:30pm: First look at what I didn't eat in the photo with the red X's over the photo!! I didn't eat the great-looking cakes that we serve to our guests today but instead avoided them by eating an apple, a banana and cherry 0%fat/sugar yogurt with some more flax seed and two smaller cups of coffee with light soy milk

Dinner at 6:30pm: homemade hutsepot made of carrots, potatoes, celery, sprouts and cabbage mixed with a few small pieces of chicken breast with spices + a small plate of broccoli with a dash of soy sauce/white wine/orange juice/ginger sauce from the salmon lunch I had prepared for tomorrow's lunch and a little later 1/4 of a Sinterklaas bread with a little light butter, half a slice of light Swiss cheese and spices
Drinks all day: Full Brinta = 3 liters! of water which I drank all day long
Exercise: not much due to my back - next week I hope to start moving again!
That's all! And it's now over! The diet will go on but only with a few photos here and there!

Saturday 30 January 2010 bis: Heidi goes wrong (with partner in crime Katrijn)

Sat 30 January 2010: Sarah's flash diet is almost coming to an end as it takes too much work - but it sure works! The photoless diet will continue!

Sarah says:
It's Saturday - a slow and lazy one and I feel pretty good! Excited to start life again on Monday! To get out of the house! My back feels okay. Not fantastic. I need to be careful. But I am okay!

Above you can see what I ate today (in my attempt to lose weight - I'm posting photos of what I eat everyday for a week).
In the above photo you can see:
Breakfast at 11 am: (it's Saturday after all!): 3 egg whites with a spoonful of cottage cheese scrambled together with about a cup of frozen spinach and about 6 large mushrooms and some soy sauce and spices plus 2 cups of instant coffee with a bit of soy milk.
Snack at 2pm: two glasses of a homemade smoothie made of frozen mango chunks, soy milk and a spoonful of honey
Snack/lunch at 4:00pm: 2 bowls of homemade carrot, chickpea, coriander, onion soup with chicken stock and a piece of toast with nothing on it + another cup of coffee with soy milk
Snack at 7:00pm: half a large red pepper cut into slices

Dinner at 8:30pm: (way too late to be eating but had no choice!!) Cup of carrot soup from lunch and spiced chicken with homemade hutsepot made of carrots, potatoes, celery, sprouts and cabbage

Drinks all day: Full Brinta = 3 liters! of water which I drank all day long
Exercise: not much due to my back - next week I hope to start moving again!
That's all!

Friday 29 January 2010: another week has passed... And Sarah is almost done with her fun-food-photo week and sick-leave!!!!!

Heidi says: and no baby yet. Well, he has time! He has three more weeks. I long to see him! But I want him to stay with me a bit longer...

Sarah says:

It's my last weekend of house ar-rest! Bed Rest! Done! I feel good. A bit scared and with a slight ache - but good and ready. I hope, hope, hope my back holds up for a while and through by upcoming travels! I don't think I could take it if the pain would come back and I'd have to go back to the hospital again soon. In 6 months okay - if necessary - but please, please, please - let me have at least about 6 pain free months! I will do everything I can to make that happen! Lose weight! Exercise when I feel ready to again - soon I hope! Travel light and not crazily all over the place with too much running around. Resting more. Sitting for long periods of time less! All those things and more! Anything to have a stronger, less painful back situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Above you can see what I ate today (in my attempt to lose weight - I'm posting photos of what I eat everyday for a week).
In the above photo you can see:
Breakfast at 8:30 am: a little bit of All Bran Plus mixed with half a banana (ran out of blueberries), lots of flax seeds, a small bunch of peeled, sliced almonds and light soy milk plus instant coffee with a bit of soy milk.
Lunch at 12pm: bowl of fresh-made veggie soup (made yesterday of chicken stock, celery, carrots and leek with baby spinach added raw at end to wither), yesterday's chicken, mango, pineapple, red pepper, onion, chili Thai flavored meal with some leftover basmati rice + coffee with soy milk
Snack at 2:00pm: 2nd cup of coffee with soy milk + blood orange
Another snack at 4:30pm: a bowl of broccoli with dash of soy sauce
Dinner at 6pm: Two pieces of brown toast - with half a piece each of light Gouda cheese with spices + another small bowl of fresh-made veggie soup from lunch + one blueberry 0 fat/sugar yogurt
Drinks all day: Full Brinta = 3 liters! of water which I drank all day long
Exercise: not much due to my back - next week I hope to start moving again!
That's all!

Thursday 28 January 2010: Sarah's photo-foodathon is working and making her eat a bit less, which is good because she still can't exercise!

Sarah says:
Just a few more days and I will be back to life and living and working! I have been keeping busy working a bit at home but I am so ready to be part of the world again. My back is feeling okay - never perfect - but quite okay again - I just hope it stays that way. I will do everything to make it stay that way! The crappy thing is that my blood test just came back and though everything else is fine, my stupid cholesterol is still too high - not dangerously high - but too high for sure!! It's crazy because I hardly eat fatty foods - the doctor and the dietitian both have said it's part of my make-up - inherited from genes that run in my family and bad eating as a child and teenager. The doctor said you can only control it about 15% by what you eat and the rest is how your body stores the fat - but she also said I'll need to have a blood test every year and keep an eye on it. She suggested I take fish-oil supplements and try to eat a bit more fish - so I will do that for sure and hope that it works! I'm just at a loss in terms of fat. I need some! I try to eat the good ones and if not then the light ones and not too much -- yet still! Arghh!!!

Above you can see what I ate today (in my attempt to lose weight - I'm posting photos of what I eat everyday for a week).
In the above photo you can see:
Breakfast at 8:30 am: a little bit of All Bran Plus mixed with half a banana (ran out of blueberries), lots of flax seeds, a small bunch of peeled, sliced almonds and light soy milk plus instant coffee with a bit of soy milk.

Lunch at 2pm (was working and then took a small hour to prepare my lunch so ate too late): chicken, mango, pineapple, red pepper, onion, chili Thai flavored meal with some leftover basmati rice + I had a spoon full of the hutsepot I had prepared the day before to see if it was good before I froze it so that I can bring it with me to work for lunch next week...)

Snack at 2:30pm: cup of coffee with soy milk
More snacks between 3pm and 4:30pm: a large carrot, a blood orange

Dinner at 7pm: Three pieces of brown toast - with a tiny bit of veggie spread on one side stuffed with baby spinach and half a slice of melted light Swiss cheese - the other piece of toast was with the other half of the cheese and some spices. I also had 1.5 bowls of fresh-made veggie soup (made of chicken stock, celery, carrots and leek with baby spinach added raw at end to wither) + one fork-full of the scrambled eggs I made my daughter to see if they were good

Drinks all day: Full Brinta = 3 liters! of water which I drank all day long
Exercise: not much due to my back - sat way too long at the compute in fact!

That's all!

Wednesday 27 January 2010: Have a look at Heidi's baby belly! News on the street is that it's 3.5 kilos now and might arrive early...

Sarah says:
Had a surprise visit from Heidi today with Yma because it turned out there was no school so they rang my doorbell bright and early, which meant some photos! :-) Heidi says that at the last visit to the doctor the baby weighed 3.5 kilos (7.7 pounds) and that the doctor thinks he might be early.

And there's a very pregnant Heidi above!

Above you can see what I ate today (in my attempt to lose weight - I'm posting photos of what I eat everyday for a week).

In the above photo you can see:

Breakfast at 8:30 am: a little bit of All Bran Plus mixed with organic rolled oats with half a bowl of frozen blueberries, lots of flax seeds, a small bunch of peeled, sliced almonds and light soy milk plus instant coffee with a bit of soy milk. And an extra cup of coffee with some soy milk.

Lunch at 12pm: fresh carrot soup, a breaded chicken-cheese burger with basmati rice and red cabbage mixed with apples

Snack at 2pm: cup of coffee with soy milk

More snacks between 3pm and 4:30pm: a blood orange, a slice of banana my kid prepared with a few almond slices and dash of honey, an apple

Dinner at 6:45pm: Three pieces of brown toast - with a tiny bit of veggie spread and two of the slices had half a slice of light Swiss cheese - the last one was stuffed with the remaining salad. A salad with baby spinach, slices of red pepper, shredded carrot, shallot and some chopped walnuts and mixed nuts followed by a blueberry yogurt (low fat/sugar - same as yesterday) mixed with fresh pineapple chunks.

Drinks all day: Full Brinta = 3 liters! of water which I drank all day long

Exercise: not much due to my back - small walk around neighborhood and lots of up and down the stairs...
That's all!

Tuesday 26 January 2010: Sarah is sleeping long, eating light, drinking loads of water, working when she can and recovering slowly but surely...

Sarah says:

Feeling more rested today and more ready for the world again... I had a bad sleep again so I just stayed in bed this morning and I slept till noon! It made a world of difference! I had so much more energy in the afternoon. I got some work done - that felt good. I am eating well and lightly again - not that I stopped my diet but after being in the hospital I fell off the wagon a bit. I am drinking tons of water - 3 liters a day! I feel progress. I ache but am less achy. My brain is buzzing again but with less rage and sadness and more energy to do stuff. I can't wait to get back to work! I hope my back holds up and stays pain free for a while. I am really afraid of my trip to New York and the plane and all. I will take de-swelling pills even if I have no pain beforehand - as the doctor suggested. I hope it all works. I want to get back to life!
Above you can see what I ate today (in my attempt to lose weight - I'm posting photos of what I eat everyday for a week). Please note that I slept till noon today so the tiling of my eating was way off today!!!

In the above photo you can see:
Breakfast at 12:30 pm!!!!: All Bran Plus mixed with half a bowl of frozen blueberries, lots of flax seeds, a small bunch of peeled, sliced almonds and light soy milk plus instant coffee with a bit of soy milk. (pretty much my breakfast everyday)
Snack at 2:30pm: a banana and an apple
Lunch/Dinner at 6:30pm: a fillet of white fish baked in a bit of olive oil with sea-salt and spices, one small potato with skin cooked in microwave with spices and a lot of broccoli florets steamed in microwave with spices (same as yesterday because I prepared it all at same time)
Snack/dinner at 7:00pm: a piece of toast with a little veggie spread topped with baby spinach and slices of red pepper followed by a cherry yogurt (low fat/sugar - same as yesterday) mixed with fresh pineapple chunks and an instant coffee with soy milk.
Drinks all day: Full Brinta = 3 liters! of water which I drank all day long
Exercise: not much due to my back - tried to ride my bike to my daughter's school because I was running late and walked back - about 5 minutes there on bike and 15 minute walk back.

That's all!

Monday 25 January 2010: Sarah wants her back back and is sick of sick-leave but will use this week to photo her food in between working at home!

Sarah says:
I really, really planned to and looked forward to going back to work today after being home for two weeks - well one at the hospital and one at home. BUT - I woke up and felt worried because my left toes tingled, my knee hurt, my neck was really stiff and in the middle of the night I felt lower-back pain. I decided I had better wait another day because I really should not take any chances because I could end up right back in the hospital. I'll stay home all week as the doctor originally said I should. It makes more sense for my work as it's hard to arrange working half days and I am sure I can't work whole days because if I do I will sit too much and sitting is bad, bad, bad for long periods of time - though I am trying to sit a bit more each day because I have to use the computer for work so I have to get stronger and be able to sit for longer!!! I am so terribly frustrated today and feel angry even. I just want to go to work and get back to my normal life. Unlike many people, I happen to LOVE SCHEDULES AND PLANNING!!!! Without all that I feel lost. I really can't wait till I feel better and get back to life!!!

While home this week and in an effort to get back into good eating and less eating again - not that I have fallen off the wagon so much - but I have a little - I will try the old trick of taking photos of everything I eat and drink each day. "They" say this can help you control what you eat - so here goes!

In the above photo you can see:

Breakfast at 8:15 am: All Bran Plus mixed with half a bowl of frozen blueberries, lots of flax seeds, a small bunch of peeled, sliced almonds and light soy milk plus instant coffee with a bit of soy milk.

Snack at 11:30am: an orange

Lunch at 1:30pm: a fillet of white fish baked in a bit of olive oil with sea-salt and spices, one small potato with skin cooked in microwave with spices and a lot of broccoli florets steamed in microwave with spices

Snack at 2:30pm: a cup of instant coffee with some light soy milk

Dinner at 6:45pm: Three brown, grain slices of bread with lots of fresh baby spinach and one whole slice (in total) of light Swiss cheese melted in microwave with spices added and one pot of 0% fat/added sugars cherry yogurt mixed with lots of fresh pineapple chunks

Drinks all day: Full Brinta = 2 liters of water which I drank all day long

Exercise: not much due to my back - briskly walked to daughter's school and back - about 15 minutes each way so 30 minutes total

That's all!

Friday, Saturday and Sunday 22,23 and 24 January 2010: Sarah and Heidi meet for haircuts and welcome a freshly-cut Marv to FTD along with Yma and Ayla

Sarah says:
That's me above today - Sunday the 24th with my haircut from Heidi and better, but still-tired eyes! Tomorrow it's back to life, back to reality. I just hope my back holds up and doesn't fail me again for a while. I have to take everything slowly and not sit for too long, which is hard, considering I work on my computer all day long. I'll try to take little walks in between sitting. Cross your fingers for me. I have busy months ahead and am not sure I could take another bout of bad-back! I also want to get back to exercising - biking and using cross-trainer! I miss it. My body longs for it. But I just can't even try all that until my back stops aching. I think I perhaps gained a kilo or two back from stopping exercise and not eating as well while in the hospital and at home all day. That's to be expected. But now I want to lose it and more again and I will!
Above and below photos are from yesterday - Saturday the 23rd of January. Heidi stopped by to cut Tom's and my hair. I totally love the haircut she gave Tom. He looks great! She also trimmed my hair - and as usual, I love it! Heidi is a really talented hair-cutter!

While Heidi cut our hair, Ayla and Yma literally "hung-out" in the living room. At one point when I walked in on the two of them lounging in those chairs and eating chips, Yma said that they were taking some time for themselves! It was so adorable. That kid - those kids - well, they are great! So nice to see them hanging out together! In the above photo you can see the "fort" or "house" they built of blankets.
Above photo of me is from Friday night the 22nd of January. That day I took a walk to Ayla's school and back and then around Ikea in Lille in the evening. My stupid left foot - toes - hurt so much after those small walks - in the same way as they hurt the day I went into the hospital! Man, I hate that! I JUST WANT TO FEEL GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On Friday I also went to my house doctor for a check-up of my back and for blood tests to check my cholesterol, thyroid and hormone levels. The dietitian I go to suggested I have those tests because she also thinks that based on what I eat and the exercise I was doing that my metabolism is still really slow and it could be for a reason. I just hope my blood test doesn't reveal diabetes or thyroid problems or way too high cholesterol. I can hardly take my back pain. I don't know what I'd do if I hear I have some more stuff to deal with. Well - actually - I guess I would just deal with it because that's life, isn't it!? I just hope there is nothing new to have to deal with!!!

Thursday 21 January 2010: Sarah and Heidi meet again

Heidi says: And it was good! I think we are both happy with some human interaction in these dull grey days. Aren't we, Sarah? :-)

Tuesday and Wednesday 19 and 20 January 2009: Check out Heidi's baby belly and what are Sarah's eyes saying today?

Heidi says: I feel crappy too, Sra. Did we make each other feel crappy yesterday? No, we didn't! Then why do we feel crappy today? THE WEATHER! The stupid grey weather and our loneliness. Well, definitely my loneliness... And for you of course your backache! And I ended Gilmore Girls, of which Sarah borrowed me 7 seasons to watch and now it's all over. Boooo!

Sarah says:
I'll tell you what my eyes are saying! They are saying I feel crappy! Tired. Achy. Mad. In addition to my dumb back trouble, I have had a cold for two weeks and it just won't go away. It got worse in the hospital. Yesterday I thought it was better again but today it feels worse. Arghhhh! I just long to feel well again. I know I will soon and that alone makes be feel better but I just want to wake up and feel normal...

Heidi passed by yesterday, which was great! When I feel this crappy I tend to avoid seeing people. It's like I just feel too rotten for the world and don't want to expose myself like that to friends and family. I'd rather crawl up and hide under a rock. I always think at first - wow - I'll be at home and have time to call people and talk and all that but then all I want to do is shut down and shut off and not exist to the world. THEN - I have a visitor and I cheer up right away - or I talk on the phone with a friend and I feel good again. It's damn stupid of me to pull away so much and hide. It's human nature I guess. A bit silly. Anyway - it was good to see Heidi AND her baby belly! My, my, my has it grown! Take a look yourself below! Wow! I also saw the baby kicking. Very nice to see. Quite amazing. This baby will come soon! And yesterday I found out that another friend is also pregnant. Babies boom! So nice to know that there will be all these new little people to get to know soon...

From the top...

Side-view...

Full-on!

Saturday - Tuesday 09 - 19 January 2010 - Sarah is back home from the hospital with a back that's getting better...

Sarah says:
Above photo is from today - the 19th of January. I feel odd today. On the one hand, I feel a lot better, with more energy. On the other hand, I feel angry and also worried because my knee hurts. It hadn't hurt till now over the last two weeks. But when it hurts, it is usually one of the signs that my back will start hurting soon. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - no more back pain for a while. The last two weeks have been enough! I want to get better - not bad again - not worse. I have to be very careful and take things so slow and easy... My anger is just because I am sick of this. I can't help it it - it just makes me angry sometimes. It also makes me sad at other times and every now and then I just accept it and live with it and don't rage against it. Today I feel a bit in a rage. Not satisfied. Frustrated. Mad, mad, mad that my body fails me while my brain just wants to go, go, go!!!! You can see in my eyes above that I am in some pain again today. My eyes shw it all when it comes to my back. I look tired again. More tired than the day I got home from the hospital. I hope my eyes are BRIGHT tomorrow because that will be a good sign!

Above photo is from Monday the 18th of January. I had had a really bad sleep and wasn't feeling ready for the day or the world at all. I didn't want to see or speak to anyone really. By the end of the day my mood improved... Until I woke up today...

Above photo is from Sunday the 17th I think. I had finally had a shower after a whole week without one. You can see my living-room bed set-up there. I'm sleeping downstairs so that I don't wake my husband up with my bad cough (a present from the hospital) and with my tossing and turning. Glad to be home but wishing I felt better... brighter-eyed.

Above photo is from Saturday the 16th just before I was leaving the hospital after a week there. It's at that sink that I washed my self everyday behind that curtain. I shared a room with 4 other people. It was noisy but sometimes nice. One lady was a bit out of her mind sadly - but so sweet and another was just out of her mind... Hospitals are strange microcosms...

Above photo is from Friday or Saturday the 15th or 16th. I'm not sure. I was feeling a bit better, less pain and more ready to go home... You can see it in my eyes... They always give my pain levels away...

Not sure when above photo is from - either Wednesday or Thursday the 13th or the 14th during a moment at the hospital of feeling okay. See my greasy hair? That means it might even be Tuesday the 12th. On Wednesday, Tom's mom and Ayla washed it for me thankfully. It was okay to wash myself everyday with the sink and a washcloth and soap. I felt pretty clean. But my hair! Yuck! The minute they washed it for me, I felt so much better already!

In the above photo, you can see the view from my hospital bed on a snowy day. My bed was thankfully near the window. I could look out and not feel so trapped! I do not like hospitals. Not at all. I know I'll be in and out of them my whole life most likely thanks to my back but the fewer times the better! It was horrid hearing one of the woman in my room suffering so much from a back operation she had just had. It made me never want another operation in my life. It was all too familiar. I have had no worse feeling than waking up from an operation - it's just awful. I am always so sick from the anesthesia and it takes days to feel okay. I think I can take pain. I just hate it though...

The above photo must be from Saturday the 9th when I was at the hospital waiting to be checked in - pain levels very high - see it in the eyes...

Friday 15 January 2010: Friday's good. Friday means end of loneliness.

Heidi says: and it means lesson tonight! I like my weekly haircutting lessons! (though they can be pretty tough in my situation)

Tuesday 12 January 2010: just tired

Heidi says: I NEED SLEEP and I wish Sarah a good night's sleep without pain

Monday 11 January 2010: Heidi is really tired after thinking about the future of the world this night

Heidi says: I woke up at 4 this night because Yma had a bad dream. Nico went to check up on her and from that moment on I was wide awake. Yesterday evening, I watched a documentary on nuclear wars in space and what that might do to the world as we know it. It scared me. I realised that we can easily destroy our planet and everything on it. Well, we have already known that for a long time, but now it went even further. It's not enough that we people can destroy the world by polluting it, now we can also destroy it by sending missiles to space that demolish satellites. I can't believe how horribly selfish the human species is. I have known it for a long time, starting by looking at myself, but the more I see these documentaries about pollution, war and war in space, the worse my feelings about this all get. One day the world will come to its end if we keep on going the way we go. That makes me sad. Especially because I put Yma on the world and in a few weeks we are putting another little life on earth. I start to wonder if that is a smart thing to do. Maybe the world would be saved if people would stop to procreate. That would mean humans could go on doing what they do for another hundred years until the last one dies, and then the world would belong to the animals and itself again. But maybe that thought goes a bit too far.
If the world is finished in a couple of hundred of years, that is our punishment for our horrible behaviour. Most humans are guilty of pollution so it's only natural we all get punished for being so selfish and self absorbed. Too bad for us, too bad we didn't listen, too bad...

With all that said, I will have put two people on this world and so I will take my responsibility, together with Nico. We will raise our kids to be and think green as much as possible, we will teach them to be good people, peaceful people and above all, we will love them with all our hearts. We will show them this love every moment of the day and they will feel this love and feel that they are worth everything to us. It all starts with loving your children. I truly believe that!
That and teaching them to respect what's around them. I hope we succeed.

Sunday 10 January 2010 (100110 or 011010): Getting too big...

Heidi says: I can't wait to start exercising again! Look at my face aboce. Do I really have to walk around with a fat face like that for six more weeks? Oh well, why not! Why should I worry?

Yma is doing great, helping me clean a little :-). I just need to do something small every now and then. And with the help of my little Yma, things go eve smoother and faster.

Saturday 9 January 2010: Suzy Snowflake

Heidi says: My oh my, they are so beautiful! All the Suzy Snowflakes falling out of the sky. I'm touched!

Friday 08 January 2009: Sarah is disappearing to the hospital for a while...

Sarah says:

Bye for a while! I'm checking myself into the hospital again for same problem as ever - my dumb back! It's getting worse each day so I need to take care of it before I can't move at all. This is just the way it is and is probably going to be the rest of my life so I guess I just have to do everything I can to accept the situation, not let it get me down too much and to get on with my life once the pain is gone again for a while... Better now than while I am in New York or on a plane - like last time this happened. I hope I'll be okay fast after I get the IV treatment at the hospital. I look forward to returning to normal life again, in which I can move around freely. I miss my bike and cross-trainer already! But I have to keep telling myself that I cannot let this knock me down. It's a temporary situation! I'm disappearing for a week or so but I'll be back before you know it!

Thursday 7 January 2010: Life part 3 and so on and life with a chronic back problem...

Sarah says:
I can't really take it anymore to be honest. I am in despair. Since I woke up Wednesday, my back has been hurting and as much as I have been taking care of it, it only feels like it is getting worse. It's the same quick, jolting nerve reactions as I had this summer and before, which makes it hard for me to move freely. I didn't do anything in particular to bring this on. I was very cold all day Monday and Tuesday and tried to warm up at home each night and Wednesday morning I woke up with mild pain that just got worse and worse all day. Today it is really bad. I am able to work from home thankfully because at least that way I can rest my back here and there and use hot-water bottles and take pain killers. But I am really afraid that I'll have to check into the hospital this weekend like I did this past summer - to receive pain killers through an IV and to get care and rest so that I can get through a few more months. I know there's a possibility of my needing an operation for the hernia that showed up this past summer but I am in no way ready to have an operation yet. I feel too weak. I don't think my body or mind can take another operation so if I have to go into the hospital every now and then with non-pain months in between then, well, that is how I will have to live for a while. I can't pretend I'm not depressed - even devastated to be honest. I feel sad and awful and dark. I wasn't ready for pain to come back into my life so quickly and I really fear my physical future. One day I won't be able to walk anymore - that's a big fear! Anyway - I'll get my spirits back one of these days. I guess I'm just feeling tired, in pain and a bit sorry for myself...

Heidi says: I am tired and can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I think I am not the only one who has these difficulties. The weather is really cold here, which I really like, but it makes you a bit tired and makes you want to sleep more. Today I am putting away our christmas tree. It makes me sad. I love the Holidays, the warmth of it all. Putting away the christmas tree is saying that the holidays are over. Luckily I have something else to look forward to. Something a lot bigger than the holidays! 19 February is coming!

Wednesday 6 January 2010: life part 2

Heidi says: I did a lot of prep work for the birth this morning! A lot of putting addresses into an access file. I feel accomplished. I try to do some prep work every day. It feels like I am having a part time job. This picture shows that I'd better not wear turtleneck sweater for now. :-) If it weren't so cold outside...

Tuesday 5 January 2010: life and cold, cold living

Sarah says:
My office is having heating problems - started yesterday and remain to day. I am shivering and cold! It isn't nice. I wore my hat, scarf, coat, two sweaters and my gloves most of the day Monday inside and Tuesday too. I feel Ike I will never warm up again. I guess I am a weak person. I have a head cold now. I wish I were stronger and could take the cold better!

Heidi says: My life these days is: sleeping, getting Yma to school, resting, TV, reading, sitting at the computer, getting Yma from school, cooking, TV, sleeping.

But in between all this, I managed to buy a share from Ecopower yesterday, and to sign and send a contract for 100% green electricity to Ecopower today. Very proud of this move. Finally. I also checked some other urgent things and will be busy with envelopes, stamps and addresses very soon. Yesterday evening, the doctor checked our baby and he told us he weighs 2550 grams. That means he is almost ready to be born. I have six more weeks to go though. SIX! He also weighed me and on the scale I saw 80,1 kilos. I turned a bit pale I think. I gained 23 kilos already and I have six more weeks to go! What will I have gained by 19 February???

Saturday and Sunday 02 and 03 January 2009: Last weekend of vacation...

Heidi says: HAPPY NEW YEAR! I wish more green power, more peace, less terrorism and a beautiful good baby boy for us :-)

Sarah says:
That me above today in a new dress I bought yesterday in Gent at the "WE" during the sales. We took my mom to the airport very early yesterday and then headed straight for Gent. It started with just a few people at 8:30 am and then by 9 am it was crazy busy. Our plan was to get in and out as fast as possible but we ended up staying till past 5pm! We had lunch at the Irish Pub in Gent and had a nice family day together - consuming indeed but that's okay every now and then! It was nice to try clothes on being a size smaller than before. :-)

Tom granted my wish a grew a two-week beard during our holidays! I LOVE it and I hope he keeps it! He needs to learn how to trim it without shaving off the whole thing. That's the hard part! I think it looks great on him.

That's me above at 6am Saturday morning the 2nd just before we left to take my mom to the airport. Not bad for 6am I'd say! I slept till 11:30 am this morning. I have been sleeping late this vacation. It's been grand! But now it is after 11pm and I have to get up early tomorrow and I am not tired at all! It's back to work and to normal life tomorrow! It will be good to bike again and eat well again! Although tomorrow there will be lots of ice so I will get a ride to and from work so I don't risk falling off my bike!

It's been a while but above you can see my favorite Post Secret of the week. I can so relate to this - it's why I take photos every day or everything and everybody! Lives change so fast and people in your life change so fast. One day here and gone tomorrow. I am not very nostalgic but I do like to keep track of life and photos help me to do that. I like to look back at photos and let memories of those times and people come back to me. If I think about this time last year - well, a lot has changed since then as well as has stayed the same... If I look at my photo wall in my hallway downstairs - lots of people I thought I would always know are gone already! That's life! Life can sure be bittersweet. But just as people go, new ones enter and that makes it all okay but thankfully there are photos to remind you of days gone by... Cliché, I know, but true! Also - Ayla is changing so very quickly! I am so glad I have a lot of photos of her. It's fun to look back with her and see how she has evolved!