Thursday 7 January 2010: Life part 3 and so on and life with a chronic back problem...

Sarah says:
I can't really take it anymore to be honest. I am in despair. Since I woke up Wednesday, my back has been hurting and as much as I have been taking care of it, it only feels like it is getting worse. It's the same quick, jolting nerve reactions as I had this summer and before, which makes it hard for me to move freely. I didn't do anything in particular to bring this on. I was very cold all day Monday and Tuesday and tried to warm up at home each night and Wednesday morning I woke up with mild pain that just got worse and worse all day. Today it is really bad. I am able to work from home thankfully because at least that way I can rest my back here and there and use hot-water bottles and take pain killers. But I am really afraid that I'll have to check into the hospital this weekend like I did this past summer - to receive pain killers through an IV and to get care and rest so that I can get through a few more months. I know there's a possibility of my needing an operation for the hernia that showed up this past summer but I am in no way ready to have an operation yet. I feel too weak. I don't think my body or mind can take another operation so if I have to go into the hospital every now and then with non-pain months in between then, well, that is how I will have to live for a while. I can't pretend I'm not depressed - even devastated to be honest. I feel sad and awful and dark. I wasn't ready for pain to come back into my life so quickly and I really fear my physical future. One day I won't be able to walk anymore - that's a big fear! Anyway - I'll get my spirits back one of these days. I guess I'm just feeling tired, in pain and a bit sorry for myself...

Heidi says: I am tired and can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I think I am not the only one who has these difficulties. The weather is really cold here, which I really like, but it makes you a bit tired and makes you want to sleep more. Today I am putting away our christmas tree. It makes me sad. I love the Holidays, the warmth of it all. Putting away the christmas tree is saying that the holidays are over. Luckily I have something else to look forward to. Something a lot bigger than the holidays! 19 February is coming!