Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Tuesday 31 October 2006: As new photos can not be uploaded right now, we offer you last year's Face The Day Halloween photo for now! Spooky!!!!


Sarah says:
Blogger isn't working for some reason! You can't upload photos. So I instead took this old picture from last Halloween and copied the html and pasted it here to hold y'all over and give you a blast from the past till the photo situation is resolved! Hopefully soon! We'll still take a photo each day -- at least I will and when I see Heidi I'll get one of her too -- and we'll post them later when Blogger let's us!


Monday, October 30, 2006

Monday 30 October 2006: Heidi and Sarah say hello and happy sunny Monday!

Finally it works again!!!! Here's Heidi and me Monday. Notice Heidi's pyjamas...
Sarah says:
It’s sunny and warm in Belgium so forget all that dark talk yesterday! This weather is crazy! Hard to believe. Have to enjoy every last bit of sunshine! Maybe the darkness and cold when it does set in will stay as long as all this sunshine and it will be dark till June! Let’s hope not! Heidi’s baby is so totally cute and big-eyed! She’s starting to flex her smile muscle and I’m sure she can see now! You can see it in her eyes that she is focusing! She’s changing all the time.

So here’s my Post Secret pick of the week! It’s a bit obvious but I can’t help it. I have surgery on my back (originally I wrote band instead of back here but caught it fast - what would Freud say?) and whenever you hear about back surgery you hear that you rarely get lucky enough to have it juts once! No Siree! You start with one and then you get another and another and another. The first begins the long line of other back surgeries. I don’t believe in God but I am sure hoping with all my might that I end up with just one back surgery and go on pain free from there! A girl can dream, no?! Anyway, this card struck me even though it is about open-heart surgery. Five times no less! I guess the heart, the brain and the lungs seem like the scariest surgeries but I’d say the spine comes pretty close after that – though every surgery on every part of the body is scary I’m sure! I just hate the idea of my spine being messed with and all those nerves and all my major organs moved aside as they pass a new fake disc through my belly area to insert in my spine. What an awful thought! But I can’t help but think about it. It scares me. I can’t pretend it doesn’t. I can only be so strong. I want to live. I want to be pain free. I don’t want to die or be more damaged under the knife. These are real fears, whether exaggerated ones or not. That’s what goes through your head when you know you’re going to be cut open, prodded and sewed back together again. I can’t help but reflect on life now. When there is any threat of death, even just the slightest, around you can only think more about life.
By the way there is a new Post Secret book out! I can’t wait to see it. You can learn more about it by clicking on the Post Secret link.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Sunday 29 October 2006: It is dark too early!!!

Heidi says: wraaw! It is dark way too early! I have to get used to this again, but it is hard. (I know you agree with me, Fej! You hate it as much as I do)

Sarah says:
Don't you just love technology! Didn't get to see Heidi but saw her now like you here on Face The Day and decided to take a photo with her. I agree about the darkness. It's depressing. It triggers dark thoughts. I feel very, very dark right now. I am in horrible pain. I twisted something while cleaning up today and then tripped up the stairs. Both things tangled my stupid back up good! I feel like killing something right now. I have such a huge scream in me dying to come out or cry -- whatever it is it is from anguish and being fed up. I think I am getting to the end of this rope. I am exhausted by the pain.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Saturday 28 October 2006: Sarah would like you to meet the beautiful blue-eyed June!

Sarah says:
Babies abound! Babies all around! This is June, the daughter of ex-Greyn drummer Filip. Isn't she a beauty?! All these blue-eyed kids! Enjoy your Saturday! Mine is a slowmoving lazy one so far. Maybe I'll stop by Heidi's later and see what she is up to. Tonight there' s a party with a pot-bellied pig and a gig to see. Tomorrow total relaxation I'm hoping! I need rest. I am forever exhausted these days...

Friday, October 27, 2006

Friday 27 October 2006: Sarah and Heidi look alive and awake! Imagine that!?

Sarah says:
The photo lies once again! Anyway, have a lovely weekend everyone!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Thursday 26 October 2006: Sarah looks freaking weird today and very very worn out! Tonight she’ll get a shot of Heidi for y’all…

Sarah says:
My head doesn’t look normal. It looks out of proportion here and I have a pizza-chin yet again! I look worn out and a mess.
I’ll see Heidi tonight at the new De Kreun! Hopefully we’ll get some photos then. Maybe not. Heidi is with kid now you know. She has no time for photos anymore.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Wednesday 25 October 2006: Sarah is fed up with this week already and wonders how tonight will feel without Greyn!

Sarah says:
This has been a kind of annoying week so far. Today is Wednesday. Generally there would be a Greyn rehearsal tonight but since Greyn called it quits recently there is a big empty hole tonight! Actually, that's not true! I have no energy anyway so I am perfectly happy to go home tonight while my husband goes out and I can read Vanity Fair finally!!!! That sounds like the perfect night really. No joke. That is what I am up for these days. I am tired!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Tuesday 24 October 2006: Sarah is happy that for once she sees that her kid looks a bit like her! Oh Heidi!! Heidi! Come out and play!

Heidi says: I feel dead. I am tired and I have a headache and I wanna sleep. So actually, I can't feel dead... :)
I will stay in this day and I'll try to rest. Not much chance that I will actually find the rest that I want because my daughter simply won't stop crying...

Sarah says:
Yahoo! I look like my daughter here or rather she looks like me! I see it! I see it! For once I see it! I wasn't sure she was really my kid but now I am! Finally!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Monday 23 October 2006: Sarah slicks her hair back and looks into the light on this tired Monday morning…and check out YMA being fed up with it all!!!

Sarah says:
Man these dark mornings are hard ones! Don’t you think? You wake up and you think it’s three in the morning because it is so very pitch-black outside! The falling of the leaf and all. It’s getting spooky outside these days. This weekend was all right! Nothing huge to report. Just quite normal and steady really, which isn’t a bad thing. Time is flying. It will be November soon and then it’s one month to go before my back operation on the 14th of December. Am I ready? Will I ever be? Do I have a choice?! Anyway, at least I have a thinner face to show for it all. With how tired I am all the time I am amazed to see how awake I look on this site. Goes to show you, you can’t judge a book by its cover! By the way, my mother-in-law made me that red headband using my mom's old one that she gave me! Good work mothers!

Here's my fave Post Secret entry this week though there were a lot of good ones to choose from for sure. I just can relate well to the feeling expressed in this one -- that you an have so many good friends and still feel so alone. It's very strange but I'm sure so many of us know this feeling. In the end it's because we are all alone. That's the fact! As you grow older, this feeling is there more and more it seems. It's so much harder to make really great friends. We all become so very busy. We all have our limits and cut off points and times. We all have our families and primary loved ones. I can really miss my old friendships for their lack of borders alone. On the other hand, those connections weren't always healthy. Anyway, lonliness sucks and constant pain feels like lonliness sometimes. Both feelings often lead to feeling low and dark inside. Both feelings bring up that black hole existensial feeling.

Sunday 22 October 2006: Heidi finds the time to fill in this Sunday on Face the day!

Heidi says: Yma lets me go on face the day! woohoo!!!! So how are all you folks? I hope all is well? Let me know some time :))!!!
Here is my daughter again! She looks unreal, doesn't she?

Sarah says:
Though due to my back I couldn’t bowl, I did make a new friend as you can see in this photo! I think I’m in love! I did play air-hockey though, which also hurt my back, but I don’t care, it was fun!!!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Saturday 21 October 2006: Sarah would like you to meet Face The Day’s Special guest Birthday Girl AVD!

Sarah says:
That’s Annabel the flower shop girl. It was her birthday yesterday so we got together tonight and ate soup, bread, salad and cookies. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNABEL!!!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thursday 19 October 2006: Sarah cut off her hair and her ears!

Sarah says:
Tired today. No time to report anything. Good last supper with Greyn members! I feel sad in waves. Like period cramps. I am slowly letting all of this go. What other choice do I have? I just looked back on the lower right margin of this main blog page at the October 2005 archive. So a year ago today I was at home recovering from a laparoscopy operation. They removed scar tissue that had been wrapping itself around my intestines! Lovely, eh! I can’t believe I am going to be putting my poor body through another operation soon. That puts me in despair! Oh well, gotta go with it!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Wednesday 18 October 2006: Sarah feels happy today and she means it, it's clear!

Sarah says:
It’s a good day! Rather than feeling angry or sad I feel light and happy for once. I guess the relief is real and I’m glad! At least today. Also happy because a pair of pants that didn’t fit me last year at this time because I remember deciding not to bring them with me to Berlin last year for that reason – the pockets were bulging and the button was pulling – well now they are too big and hanging off me! Yee haw! It’s working. I see it today. That makes me full of glee! And I am even on the rag but am not all bloated as usual for once! So it’s a good day! I miss Heidi though! A couple of days without her and I start wondering how she is and how YMA is!
Tonight the members of the Greyn will meet for dinner in Gent to have a last chat or whatever. I am glad that at least right now I feel okay about it all and not angry like I felt yesterday. I just want to enjoy their company tonight and have a chat. I think the heavy stuff is behind us – or me really. I hope so. I’m pretty sure. I am getting excited about what will be next! Thinking beyond my back operation and into the future and what it has to offer!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Tuesday 17 October 2006: Sarah has another hairy day and nothing much to report...

Sarah says:
My kid needed in on this photo today so we shared hair. My kid looks nothing like me. But with a few braids out she does have big and thick hair. Anyway, that's not very interesting is it? I'm like blank today. Oddly and as is to be expected, the more negative and hostile feelings I have about the Greyn split are starting to bubble over and surface. That's all part of the letting go of it and mourning process, I know I know. So I'll try to be careful with what I say to anyone about it because these angry and disappointed feelings will eventually turn into acceptance and all that and life will go on. It just feels like a big let down right now! But also a huge relief still. That feeling is the biggest one so it's not all bad. I guess soon I'll feel sad about it and then I'll let go. Today I feel like yelling at all my ex-Greyn bandmates and saying WE DIDN'TRY HARD ENOUGH!!!! WE DIDN'T GIVE OURSELVES TO THIS!!! WE WERE NEVER GOOD BUSY WITH GREYN BECAUSE WE WERE ALL TOO BUSY WITH EVERYTHING ELSE BUT GREYN!!! IT'S TOO EASY TO SAY WE HAD NO COMMON VISION WHEN IN FACT NOT ONE OF US PUT ANY EXTRA TIME ASIDE TO WORK ON GREYN OTHER THAN ABOUT AN HOUR ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT'S WHEN WE BOTHERED TO FIND TIME TO MEET AND MAYBE THE VERY RANDOM THING AT HOME!!! WHAT A BIG WASTE OF TIME THIS HAS ALL BEEN!!! But I'm not going to go there - even though I know I just have -- and sorry for that but I'd be lying if I didn't get some of that stuff out -- with that all said, it doesn't make it any better and I know, I know, it's better not to go out shouting and all that and I won't - I will not go further with all this... I have to let this go now. And I will. As fast as my head lets me I guess! I also have my period today bigtime (see how bad my skin is?) so that doesn't help in terms of angry rages. My head is buzzing. I am not good company today I think. Not even to myself.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Monday 16 October 2006: It's Monday. Bad Hair day for Sarah. Bad pain day for Sarah. But weather and mood is good for Sarah despite all...

Yma says: rjhjkkf bnhjihuihbujifbh bhibjfki hbhfjbhjd hjbhjbhidbfhj fhjbedhjfbhdjfbhj hbhdjbfhjdfgb hjkbfhgjdbhgjbdh nhjdbghjdbfghdjfb

Sarah says:
My hair and head are messy. It's Monday for sure. Good weekend though. Lots of cute babies and some good news too. I do feel a lot less confused than last week, which is good. My head is on straighter and I feel lighter. So yes I am calling my head less fat!
Here's my fave Post Secret entry this week. I know this feeling. Standing outside yourself narrating your life - and in britsih accent no less. Love it!

Sunday 15 October 2006: Heidi and Sarah look young. Yma shows you her wild side!

Heidi says: A nice walk in the sun on a Sunday afternoon...

Sarah says:
Forget about YMA, I want that little cute pink dolly think next to her. No no no, Yma is cute even when crying. Heidi looks awfully cute today too if I do say so myself. She looks GREAT!
Had a nice Sunday. Full of pain -- bad, bad pain but a goody! I got great news from my pregnant best buddy in New York. She's getting married next year!!! I'll be there! I can't wait!!! I am so happy for her. Makes me so happy she's making this family unit. I can't wait to meet her child.

Saturday 14 October 2006: Sarah shows off yet another cute baby on Face The Day since Heidi has no time for all this these days!!!

Sarah says:
This is the lovely Fre De Wilde. He's the baby of Greyn's guitar player Peter and his wife Valerie. This is one of the cutest babies I have ever seen. He is like one big smiley face, though I couldn't get him to smile here. As most of you may know now, Greyn is finished (scroll down to last Thursday to for info). Fre still thinks his dady rocks accoriding to his shirt. I changed that you'll note.

Life goes on and Peter and I shall rock again no doubt somehow and somewhere and some day. Soon I hope.

By the way -- I forgot to take a photo on Saturday so this one was taken on Sunday and I put it here because really both Fre and I looked pretty much the same on Saturday and on Sunday except that on Saturday he actually had a Ramones shirt on...

Friday, October 13, 2006

Friday 13 October 2006: Heidi, Sarah and YMA face the day together to keep the bad-luck away!

Sarah says:
Heidi seemed fresh and good today and YMA just drank and drank and was cute as usual! It was great to see them as usual too. And it’s such a very sunny day!
For Greyn news and update on Sarah’s messy head, see below entry…
Heidi says: hi there!! I am tired today, although I had two good nights in a row and Yma has been a good girl. There is also this headache that won't go away. I guess I am finaly feeling the tiredness of the first week, now between two and three weeks ago. Or maybe it's my hair hanging in my eyes, making my eyes bad? Anyway everything okay! Lovely spring weather outside, a sweet daughter and time to sleep in the daytime. And to walk of course. That will happen later. When I feel more awake.

NEWSFLASH!!!!! Friday the 13th of October 2006: Sarah delivers you all some very sad news on this, Friday the 13th!

Sarah says:
What better day than Friday the 13th to tell you my bad / sad news! My band Greyn is over! Done. Finished. Sad, isn’t it? Very sad indeed. It was a mutual decision. It has ended on a good note. A blue note? But a good note. Sort of. Nobody is mad at anybody. We all enjoyed most of the Greyn experience. We are happy we played together and had the contact with each other that we did. We will all miss our Wednesday night social contact with each other. We may all even miss the idea of Greyn. In theory it was great! But in practice we definitely had our share of problems. It just came to a point that it became a drag to make songs. We sort of lost our musical vision for Greyn along the way or didn’t have a strong enough shared vision from the beginning. We are happy that we had a recent fast but fun concert in Kortrijk on the Vlasmarkt at CafĂ© Ziggy for the 0110 event. We are happy we got a demo ready and made our sleeves for it (with my brother NSM’s help – thank you!). We are still happy to give away the rest of the demos we have – hold on to them, you never know, one day they could be collectables if any of us from Greyn make it big-time with some other band!

As for myself, I feel pretty sad and in some ways pretty awful about the whole end. I was part of the decision pretty equally with the other members of Greyn. You just get to this point where enough is enough. That point came at our rehearsal this past Wednesday night. We talked it out in a good way and made the final cut. Mixed up with my upcoming back operation and other things on my mind right now, I feel as messy in my head as I did yesterday. With that said, I feel a great sense of needed relief. I have let go of a few things that needed letting go of. In some ways, my head feels clearer today than in a longtime.

The strange thing is that for some reason I contacted a person recently who for years and years in my teenage life was so very helpful to me in finding solutions to my problems, which back then I had many of. Anyway, the last thing I wrote to him on Tuesday night was how Greyn has been “therapy” of sorts for me for years and how the 4 guys in Greyn are sort of my “surrogate brothers”.

I had also emailed this same person about by psychological state related to my back pain. You have different theories – that back pain is just back pain – comes from something real and something structural – in my case from a degenerated disc at my L4-L5 level clearly shown in MRI scans. You also have theories about how back pain and other ailments come from repressed rage and anger from childhood or whenever. I just read a book about all that which filled me with doubts. But writing to this person helped me a lot because he basically said, throw that book out. By reading it you create another reality, then you talk about it which makes this other reality seem more real and then you have to explore this other reality further adding to the vicious circle of it all. He advised to stop looking at the origins of things and to stick to looking for solutions. The solution in this case for me I am hoping will be the replacement disc operation. That’s all I have got for the moment so all my eggs are in that basket right now and I have to hope and believe it will be okay and work out well for me. So all that makes my head a bit less cloudy and I feel more positive in general.

I woke up Wednesday morning after having written to this person so positively about Greyn feeling like, what the hell was that bullshit I wrote to him in that email about Greyn being my therapy and the band members being like surrogate brothers. It felt like a lie, a sham. I was giving Greyn way too much power. There have been times when Greyn was that sort of outlet for me and I looked forward to it more than anything else and it fed me with energy and that good energy spilled over into other aspects of my life and enriched my life therefore. But that hasn’t been the case for a long time. And it was high time for me to admit that. It’s not that Greyn has turned into a bad marriage that needs to end exactly – well maybe it is like that to tell the truth – although it’s not ending in a negative way. It feels right. Greyn lost its hold on me a long time ago. I had given it too much power – as though it was the most important thing! It has been important. It has been fun. It has served its purpose. But it is really done for me now. It will be a great memory.

Now I want a new band! New experiences! New challenges! I will start looking hard after my surgery when I am feeling better. I am excited for the idea of a new band! I will really miss Greyn though with all that said. I will miss the contact with the band members. I am afraid I will lose touch with most of them which is sad. But that is how life is. And as with a band or a friendship, you get out of it what you put into I guess. For too long now, Greyn has been putting very little into the band and therefore getting very little out of it. Chapter closed.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

Thursday 12 October 2006: Sarah can't explain how she feels today... She's not even sure herself...

Sarah says:
I feel strange today. Not sure how I feel. Slept two hours. Had a rough morning with my kid. Feeling the ends of things. Looking forward to new beginnings. Sad and excited all at the same time I guess. Also afraid and dark. My mind is a total mess lately thanks to my upcoming operation on my back. It spins constantly in all directions and I have to force myself to be on top of it all. I'm making firm decisions though lately and trying to really pay attention to what feels good in my life and what doesn't and what I want in it and what I don't. But with that, I feel in a state of confusion a lot. It's challenging. And I guess being tired and in pain all the time can't help! I seem like I function okay but inside I am pretty messy right now. Hence the Post Secret Cards below about what we share, what we keep to ourselves and how we can't even admit what's true to ourselves and how we really feel because half the time we don't even know, are too scared or can't bother... I can relate to all of them equally for various reasons - especially the fart one!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wednesday 11 October 2006: Sarah enjoys the sun! It’s 23 C is Belgium in the middle of October! Imagine that!!!

Sarah says:
Sarah has not time to say anything today…

One thing to say: If you are here via My Space to see the lovely YMA, scroll down below and there are plenty of pics or clear here for a fast one and a quick game of peek-a-boo with little cutie-pie YMA!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Tuesday 10 October 2006: Sarah finds Heidi and Yma at her door! What a nice surprise! Yma’s got feet!

Sarah says:
Yma was wearing one of the first dresses today that my daughter ever wore! It warmed my heart. I left Heidi at my home at lunch as Yma wasn’t finished eating. It’s always good to see Heidi and Yma even if for a flash of time! I miss Heidi! It’s good to have a picture on here today with her. She’s less tired than yesterday but still tired. Yma is as adorable as ever and makes beasty sounds. Heidi looks great! I taled Heidi’s ear off today to manic proportions. I’m sure that’s just what a tired new mother wants!!! Sorry Heidi! I guess because I don’t see you as regularly I just have to dump it all out any moment I get. Thanks for your ear mate!
Heidi says: You're welcome, mate! Sad news about the very nice Ayla-dress: the moment Sarah left for work, Yma shit in her shirt and dress and I had to change her clothes. Now she is wearing another dress Sarah gave me and a little old-fashioned sweater Alexander bought for us. Thank you good friends! I am not so tired today. And a lot happier! Yma let us sleep this night, and she had her hearing-test today, which was perfect! Long live my girl!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Monday 9 October 2006: Hi Sarah, Heidi is back! Hi Heidi!!! It's about freaking time babe!

Heidi says: wow, Sarahtje, all these Yma-pictures!!! They are nice! Thanks for sharing them with the world! People have to see how cute my little cutiepie is! I must say today is a bit of a heavy day for me (and I'm sure also for N, as he had to go to work today and he hardly slept this night). Yma didn't really sleep a lot this night, and so that means the same for the parents. I had a difficult 4 to 6 in the morning, and I have to say I even felt a little mad towards little Yma. I didn't want to feel that way, cause she is still so little and she can't help it, but still I felt what I felt and I was (and am) a bit ashamed of it. How can you be mad at a little cute creature like that? Anyway, I guess I have to learn and Yma has to learn. We barely know each other and so need to get to know each other. Apparently, you only know each other (parents and baby) quite well after three mnths. We have some time to go... We will be alright! Won't we Yma? :)

Sarah says: Yahoo -- Heidi is here!!!Why do I have sad face above you wonder? Because I have below lower face! Yuck! Gross! Pizza face!
Favorite Post Secret entry this week about blogging -- know the feeling?