Sarah says:Above photo is from today - the 19th of January. I feel odd today. On the one hand, I feel a lot better, with more energy. On the other hand, I feel angry and also worried because my knee hurts. It hadn't hurt till now over the last two weeks. But when it hurts, it is usually one of the signs that my back will start hurting soon. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - no more back pain for a while. The last two weeks have been enough! I want to get better - not bad again - not worse. I have to be very careful and take things so slow and easy... My anger is just because I am sick of this. I can't help it it - it just makes me angry sometimes. It also makes me sad at other times and every now and then I just accept it and live with it and don't rage against it. Today I feel a bit in a rage. Not satisfied. Frustrated. Mad, mad, mad that my body fails me while my brain just wants to go, go, go!!!! You can see in my eyes above that I am in some pain again today. My eyes shw it all when it comes to my back. I look tired again. More tired than the day I got home from the hospital. I hope my eyes are BRIGHT tomorrow because that will be a good sign!
Above photo is from Monday the 18th of January. I had had a really bad sleep and wasn't feeling ready for the day or the world at all. I didn't want to see or speak to anyone really. By the end of the day my mood improved... Until I woke up today...
Above photo is from Sunday the 17th I think. I had finally had a shower after a whole week without one. You can see my living-room bed set-up there. I'm sleeping downstairs so that I don't wake my husband up with my bad cough (a present from the hospital) and with my tossing and turning. Glad to be home but wishing I felt better... brighter-eyed.
Above photo is from Saturday the 16th just before I was leaving the hospital after a week there. It's at that sink that I washed my self everyday behind that curtain. I shared a room with 4 other people. It was noisy but sometimes nice. One lady was a bit out of her mind sadly - but so sweet and another was just out of her mind... Hospitals are strange microcosms...
Above photo is from Friday or Saturday the 15th or 16th. I'm not sure. I was feeling a bit better, less pain and more ready to go home... You can see it in my eyes... They always give my pain levels away...
Not sure when above photo is from - either Wednesday or Thursday the 13th or the 14th during a moment at the hospital of feeling okay. See my greasy hair? That means it might even be Tuesday the 12th. On Wednesday, Tom's mom and Ayla washed it for me thankfully. It was okay to wash myself everyday with the sink and a washcloth and soap. I felt pretty clean. But my hair! Yuck! The minute they washed it for me, I felt so much better already!
In the above photo, you can see the view from my hospital bed on a snowy day. My bed was thankfully near the window. I could look out and not feel so trapped! I do not like hospitals. Not at all. I know I'll be in and out of them my whole life most likely thanks to my back but the fewer times the better! It was horrid hearing one of the woman in my room suffering so much from a back operation she had just had. It made me never want another operation in my life. It was all too familiar. I have had no worse feeling than waking up from an operation - it's just awful. I am always so sick from the anesthesia and it takes days to feel okay. I think I can take pain. I just hate it though...
The above photo must be from Saturday the 9th when I was at the hospital waiting to be checked in - pain levels very high - see it in the eyes...
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