Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thursday 22 November 2007: Sarah looks back and goes blank while Heidi looks down...

Sarah says:
I like the above silly old photo of Greyn. We had to super-impose Jan's head in there. My brother did that for me a long time ago! Look at Peter and how smiley he his there. That's how I want to remember him. When he was happy he looked so happy. That was a funny photo day from 2004 I think. We were having a good laugh as you can see.

Today is definitely a dry-tears day. I feel sad but it's like bottled up and stuck. I have so much in my head but I don't know what to say. I'm rolling back the years all day and letting memories of Peter flow. I have seen his smile in my head all day. I have been hearing Greyn songs playing in my head too. These things are nice to think about and to remember.

I have also been constantly reading all the memories other people have about Peter on his wife Valerie's blog. It's incredibly moving to know just how many people are affected by his passing away. It is a strange but very special experience to be learning new things about Peter through other people's words. For example, I didn't know so many people called him 'Dolf". Maybe I missed that in Dutch or something and just didn't realize it after all these years - but it's so odd to only learn that now. It reminded me of another time I was with Peter. We were sitting in his garden filling in Sabam papers for some Greyn songs on our last demo. He showed me his identity card and I remember being so surprised by his controversial middle-name! I remember his being shy about, as if I were the first person to ever see his ID and discover his secret! Turns out I was soooo wrong! I assume that's where he got his nickname from! Anyway - that day on his terrace was nice - just me and him for a while chit-chatting in the sun, proud of our new demo! We never sent those Sabam papers in and just a little while after that Greyn broke up. We did get one really great, very short, gig in before the band broke up. That was last October the 1st at cafe Ziggy on the Vlas Markt on Kortrijk. We played faster than we ever had before and Peter and I enjoyed that so freaking much! Peter was really a rocker. He was happy to be able to play it hard and heavy and sweaty at that moment. He was always pretty contained but during those 20 minutes he just went for it. I couldn't think of a better last concert to have! The band broke up a week or two later I think and that felt right, but really, really sad. I think Peter and I were particularly sad about it because it was our only band and it really had meant a lot to us. We checked in with each other all the time after that, over the last year, to see if we had found other bands to play in that felt good. Neither of us had. The last three times I saw Peter, we talked a bit about Greyn each time. Actually, I think every time we saw each other, we talked a bit about Greyn. I don't know what made it so meaningful to us. All I know is that is was. Now it has become even so much more meaningful to me because in reflection, it meant I got to see Peter almost every week during those couple of years, which meant getting to know him even better and resulted in having shared something very special with him that I can hold onto in my thoughts and in all the songs we made together...

Sarah adds:
Don't know what to say about the above photo of me and Heidi. See, I am at a loss for words right now. My mind is blank and kind of numb.

Heidi says: These times are hard, even though I didn't know Peter very well, I learned about him through Sarah and Tom, and so I learned what a nice man he was. I also saw him perform several times as I was one of Greyn's biggest fans at some time ;) and I loved the way he played guitar and how Sarah's and his voice sounded together. I know he will be missed with lots and lots of people and so he will be remembered forever.

And last but not least, my late favorite Post Secret of the week. I don't just want to watch. I want to help. I understand those words. I have trouble not being able to help people in need. I don't know how to just sit back and watch. I need to take care of things...

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