Sarah says:
There's another Greyn shot above with Peter at the window with the light shining through. This is another image of Peter that will forever be recorded in my memory. You can watch the video below of the Kristen Hersh song called Your Ghost. Peter and I sang that one together several times. It was a great match for our voices. It always gave me a deep shiver. It's lyrics now take new meaning for me and when I hear it now I'll forever associate it with Peter. I can see us now in my head performing it with Greyn at the Irish Pub in Kortrijk. We were all really mushed together in a corner with no space to move. But again it was so fun! I kept banging into the neck of Peter's guitar.
One line in the song spooks me - "follow my number, slide into my hand". I was cleaning out my text messages on my mobile phone the night before last. I hadn't done that in ages so there were tons. The last one I came to was one that Peter had written me on the 20th of October after my husband and I had visited him in the hospital where he had just undergone chemo. That was such an important time spent with Peter that afternoon. We really got to talk openly and fluidly about so many important things. Peter spoke freely about his sickness and about the future. He was in a good mood after all his body was going through. He knew what he was facing and seemed to accept it at that moment, though I'm sure there were days thereafter that he raged against his illness and wasn't ready to go at all. I am so glad that I was able to leave him with a card that day that expressed how my husband and I felt about him and about his wife and kids. Peter's text message to me, which I haven't deleted yet and might hold onto for a long while, thanks us for our words to him - as if any thanks were necessary at all! We are the thankful ones! We had that time with him. He was totally there with us then and we with him. He let us in. That means so much to us. We will hold onto that feeling. I guess there is a time when you let go of some of the physical reminders, such as a text message in a mobile phone or a voice message on an answering machine or a letter or piece of clothing or whatever reminders there are that are tangible. But that takes time. Having his text message in my phone right now is comforting. It's a little bit like his ghost or something. His friendly ghost, his kind words. Right now and these days Peter is driving circles around my brain. I don't mind at all. It's nice to have him here with me in my thoughts... Tomorrow is his funeral. I don't know what to say about it. I do know it's going to be one of the saddest days ever but the emotions need to flow. There will be some healing in that for everyone...
Here are the lyrics to Kristen Hersh's song Your Ghost:
If I walk down this hallway, tonight,
It's too quiet,
So I Pad through the dark
and call you on the phone
Push your old numbers
and let your house ring
til I wake you ghost.
Let him walk down your hallway
it's not this quiet
slide down your receiver
sprint across the wire
follow my number
slide into my hand.
It's the blaze across my nightgown
it's the phone's ring.
I think last night
you were driving circles around me.
I can't drink this coffee
til I put you in my closet
let him shoot me down
let him call me off
I take it from his whisper
you're not that tough.
Something totally unrelated, check out this link for an article about my grandfather Hecky Krasnow in the Hartford Courant with an interview with my mother about her book!
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