Sarah says:Heidi thinks she looks a bit like "Brenda" from "Six Feet Under". I think I agree - especially with her new haircut. It's something in the lips and skin around them and the look in the eyes... Don't you think she looks like Brenda (Rachel Griffiths)?
So y'all know I am reading the book The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, which tries to get to the bottom of where happiness comes from. Today's chapter, which I read between naps and fading in and out due to the pain killers I am on for my back, about love and relationships began with the following quotes:
"No one can live happily who has regard to himself alone and transforms everything into a question of his own utility; you must live for your neighbour, if you would live for yourself."
-Seneca
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main."
- John Donne
Well - I must say that Heidi "lived" for her neighbor today - me! She not only made me a huge and delicious lasagna but she also picked up my kid from day-camp for me since I am supposed to rest and neither cook nor drive if I can help it till my back feels better. The thing about not feeling or being well is that people in your inner circle show their true colors generally if life allows them to at the time. People call and ask if they can help and do help, which is, well, really helpful and flattering too. It just shows how important indeed relationships are and reciprocity is - the whole I scratch your back, you scratch mine things, minus the cynicism. I don't know what I would do without my good friends and family. They are whom I turn to and whom I hope turn to me (did I use "whom" correctly?). It must really suck to feel alone in the world. This book also describes studies about suicide. People who feel alone in the world tend to commit suicide -- that's not rocket science or anything, just sad. People need people and I need Heidi and am happy to have her! Yesterday CC came over and watered my plants and kept me company! The day before, my mother-in-law made me lunch and she'll help me again tomorrow. My brother hooked me up with some good television viewing... Other friends have called to ask what they can do.
It just makes you feel pretty good when you are feeling like hell and in whatever despair, big or small, you are in. So thanks to anyone and everyone who is even thinking about me! The good news is that my brain is in better order than yesterday (other than whatever the pain killers are doing to it). And my back seems a slight bit better. Tomorrow I won't take any pain killers so I can measure the pain better. I am sure I will be fine!
The next chapter of the book is about "The Uses of Adversity" questioning if we must suffer. I wish nobody suffered, whether it makes you stronger or not! I used to think I had some edge because I had some sort of suffering in my life but now I think that is a bunch of bull! All I want for my daughter is that she be content and has a lot of pleasure in life and little pain. I wouldn't take an eraser and erase the future traumas in her life if I could read her future - as the book proposes in chapter 7 -- but I will do what I can to guard her from suffering. Everyone meets pain at some point in his or her life - that's unavoidable. This book seems to suggest, as many books on happiness do, that we can all rebound much faster than we think. I'll keep reading and get back to you on all this...
One other point to mention from the book a few actually - is that the writer really suggests in a concrete way that we should move away from noise if we want to be happy, that we should make sure NOT to have long commutes as they take away from happiness, where as long and nice drives with good conditions can be good for us... It also suggests that we are happiest when we can control certain things, such as which plants we can have on our desks and which movies we see and when. It also suggests that anything that helps us get over shame - such as plastic surgery or changes in appearance (yippy! hair-removal!) - could be useful to being happier. And last but not least - good relationships make us happy long-term, bad ones make us miserable daily.
And finally!!!! Heidi's lasagna below can make all of us really, really happy!!!! Heidi and I really need to start a business together - the making people happy business as we used to dream about and joke about... That would be great! If only it could work. Problem is one person's happiness is another person's misery so how to get the formula right.....?
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