Friday and Saturday 02 and 03 April 2010: Sarah contemplates the meaning of life and death...

Sarah says:
I don't know when I took the above and below photos other than that they were both taken on Saturday the 3rd of April 2010 I think. Different times of the day. Same mood or up and down mood anyway. I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. From bad to relieved to bad again to normal to abnormal to up to down... Having to act normal and happy actually helps - makes "normal" and "happy" seem more real... Can't really explain. The emotion or feeling I have felt most throughout the last weeks and even now is alone and lonely. It's been weird an confronting. I feel like I am in less of a dark hole right now than I felt I was in the last weeks but I still am sort of standing on the edge of it. It's like more powerful than I am. As hard as I try to feel okay and get back to "normal" life it's just not totally up to me. I do know I'll be fine and will feel fine again but I think somethings mentally and physically just have to run their course. I can't control everything that's going on or that I am feeling. I just have to go with it and I guess one day I'll wake up and feel "normal" again...

Below photo is from Friday the 2nd of April. All I wanted to do was hide under the covers that day. I didn't though because life has to go on - my life anyway. There's mourning and there's morning I guess. When the morning came, I had to get up and deal with the day despite whatever mourning I'm going through... That's life, isn't it...