Heidi says:I really like today's picture! Sarah and me had a whole conversation about vanity and self-hate today. We had opposite ideas about it. Sarah was more negative than me. On other days it could totally be the other way around. It all depends of the mood we are in. I like this picture, because I think we both look good in it. A little bit mysterious, or sad even. We look like young, fluffy animals (hmm, maybe that last has to do with the fact that the picture is blurry...). I wouldn't change anything about our faces, framed in this picture. See! Positive!
Sarah says:
I got an email from a friend today saying how bloated and overweight she felt and how she hated that in her 30s she’s getting zits and all these hormonal changes and that she wants to lose 10 pounds and all that. It could have been an email written by me! She feels exactly like I do. It made me sad. I want us all to stop with the self-loathing and to accept ourselves and embrace how pretty and lovely we all are even with pimples and a few extra pounds! So indeed Heidi and had a discussion about all that – and it’s not the first time. It’s ongoing. It’s simple and so complex. I think Heidi maybe got the idea that I think I am ugly. I don’t. I really don’t at all. There are all sorts levels to self-loathing as I have tried to explain before. My issue – my main issue besides a zit here and there and my little beard patch – my main issue has always been, is and will always be my weight. It’s my weight that drives me crazy. It’s my weight that makes me unhappy about how I look sometimes – not all the time but a lot of the time – most of the time I’d say. I feel fine about the rest of me from character, humor, morals to face, to butt, to feet - to other body parts. No problems (except sometimes like everyone) with those things. And things like stretch marks and beard patches and zits and cellulite – well those things don’t bother me so much because I have the body I have and those things are genetically programmed to play themselves out in a certain way that I don’t have a lot of control of. I have to go with the flow of hormonal changes. I have to accept that my skin is prone to stretch marks. I don’t get cellulite really – though as I get older, the skin behind the legs is not as smooth as it used to be. I don’t care about those things. I can live with them. They don’t make me feel ugly. I sort of ignore them other than the hair patch on my chin – that is ugly. I want it gone! But I don’t blame myself for it and it doesn’t make me loath myself at all. But weight – I don’t know how or when weight became such an issue for me but it is embedded into every cell of my body and soul – perhaps as much literally as figuratively. From as early on as I can remember I got messages from the outer world that I was chubby and then fat. I look at photos of myself as a kid and I don’t see a very fat kid but apparently other people did and I absorbed that. It has stayed with me and I can’t get it out of me. It has always felt like my fault – that I am big and overweight because I eat too much. Even though I know I don’t eat too much at all and I eat very healthily except for sometimes – I still blame myself for being overweight. It’s the loudest critical voice in my head. It’s unreasonable. Losing weight for me – like for many people like me- somehow will equal being happy. I know that is the biggest bunch of bull! I know that once weight is lost your problems don’t get solved – unless we are talking about health issues, which I am not – yet- thankfully. The mind is a screwed up entity when it comes to self examination. We justify. We overcompensate. We blur. We exaggerate. We criticize. We over-analyze – like I am doing now. So let me just say once again – and it won’t be the last time – that I feel pretty great about myself as a whole and even if I break things down – I just hate being an overweight-large person. I function best when in my head I imagine myself as much thinner than I really am – that’s how I get through life sometimes. It’s a sickness. It’s sickening. I take solace in the fact that so many women and probably men go through this same thing – if not with weight then with hair-loss or bad skin or bad teeth or other stuff. In the end though I know that as long as I am healthy, this is such a tiny, tiny, tiny problem. I long for the day that I treat it like one and take away all it’s big, fat power over me! With all that said, I think we look great in the photo above but even better as one in the photo below! See – I am the funny fat girl!!!! Hahahahahaha….
I got an email from a friend today saying how bloated and overweight she felt and how she hated that in her 30s she’s getting zits and all these hormonal changes and that she wants to lose 10 pounds and all that. It could have been an email written by me! She feels exactly like I do. It made me sad. I want us all to stop with the self-loathing and to accept ourselves and embrace how pretty and lovely we all are even with pimples and a few extra pounds! So indeed Heidi and had a discussion about all that – and it’s not the first time. It’s ongoing. It’s simple and so complex. I think Heidi maybe got the idea that I think I am ugly. I don’t. I really don’t at all. There are all sorts levels to self-loathing as I have tried to explain before. My issue – my main issue besides a zit here and there and my little beard patch – my main issue has always been, is and will always be my weight. It’s my weight that drives me crazy. It’s my weight that makes me unhappy about how I look sometimes – not all the time but a lot of the time – most of the time I’d say. I feel fine about the rest of me from character, humor, morals to face, to butt, to feet - to other body parts. No problems (except sometimes like everyone) with those things. And things like stretch marks and beard patches and zits and cellulite – well those things don’t bother me so much because I have the body I have and those things are genetically programmed to play themselves out in a certain way that I don’t have a lot of control of. I have to go with the flow of hormonal changes. I have to accept that my skin is prone to stretch marks. I don’t get cellulite really – though as I get older, the skin behind the legs is not as smooth as it used to be. I don’t care about those things. I can live with them. They don’t make me feel ugly. I sort of ignore them other than the hair patch on my chin – that is ugly. I want it gone! But I don’t blame myself for it and it doesn’t make me loath myself at all. But weight – I don’t know how or when weight became such an issue for me but it is embedded into every cell of my body and soul – perhaps as much literally as figuratively. From as early on as I can remember I got messages from the outer world that I was chubby and then fat. I look at photos of myself as a kid and I don’t see a very fat kid but apparently other people did and I absorbed that. It has stayed with me and I can’t get it out of me. It has always felt like my fault – that I am big and overweight because I eat too much. Even though I know I don’t eat too much at all and I eat very healthily except for sometimes – I still blame myself for being overweight. It’s the loudest critical voice in my head. It’s unreasonable. Losing weight for me – like for many people like me- somehow will equal being happy. I know that is the biggest bunch of bull! I know that once weight is lost your problems don’t get solved – unless we are talking about health issues, which I am not – yet- thankfully. The mind is a screwed up entity when it comes to self examination. We justify. We overcompensate. We blur. We exaggerate. We criticize. We over-analyze – like I am doing now. So let me just say once again – and it won’t be the last time – that I feel pretty great about myself as a whole and even if I break things down – I just hate being an overweight-large person. I function best when in my head I imagine myself as much thinner than I really am – that’s how I get through life sometimes. It’s a sickness. It’s sickening. I take solace in the fact that so many women and probably men go through this same thing – if not with weight then with hair-loss or bad skin or bad teeth or other stuff. In the end though I know that as long as I am healthy, this is such a tiny, tiny, tiny problem. I long for the day that I treat it like one and take away all it’s big, fat power over me! With all that said, I think we look great in the photo above but even better as one in the photo below! See – I am the funny fat girl!!!! Hahahahahaha….
Sarah adds:Look at the beautiful Oscar Charlie Dionisio Smith and his mom Face The Day Google hit Erika Dioniso! I am digging Oscar's Aerosmith jumper! Man is he adorable. Who would have thought Erika could have such a beautiful baby!!! Hahahahahaha! Just kidding! I can't wait to meet the little kid in October!!! Can't wait!!!!
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You say, "I want us all to stop with the self-loathing and to accept ourselves and embrace how pretty and lovely we all our [sic] even with pimples and a few extra pounds!" But is everyone really pretty and lovely? Aren't some people actually not pretty or lovely? What do you say to them?
Maybe the problem isn't with self-image but with valuing prettiness and loveliness, when not everyone possesses or can come to possess such features. Or maybe there's nothing wrong with valuing features that not everyone can have. Should we stop valuing intelligence, which people possess to varying degrees? How about athleticism? Courage? A sense of humor? A kind heart?
If everyone had the same characteristics, life would be pretty boring. Our genetics and environment lead us to all have different characteristics. Some people are beautiful. Some are brilliant. Some are both, and some are neither.
Would it not be better to value people for what they are instead of pretending they're something they're not? Why does everyone have to be pretty and lovely? Is everyone thoughtful and insightful, even loyal Bushies?
We're all different, and the key is to value what we are, not to pretend we're something we're not just because society wants us to be that way. I'm not talking about anyone in particular, I'm just exploring the issues in the abstract. Everyone needs to choose their own values that they can actually achieve, rather than letting society devalue them by forcing them to evaluate themselves according to unachieveable--for the particular individual--societal values.
Know what I'm sayin'?
Yeah, N, you are right!
Thank you for the long explanation!
H
Yep – I agree and apologise about the are/our mistake! Pretty and lovely also mean inside stuff to me. You get the whole package of a person. The outside reflects the inside and all that. Intelligence is lovely and beautiful are is courage and humor. No doubt about that. But I can make jokes about the fat funny girl only because clichés like that exist based on reality – as if a fat girl has to compensate by being funny and an ugly girl has to compensate by being smart or something – these are the messages out there and they suck! I wish they were avoidable and didn’t matter but they come up time and time again. But I do fully agree with you…
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