Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tuesday 22 March 2011: Heidi opens up a book

Heidi says: There is something so strange about people living in the western world. Or let me say: living in a luxury world. Take me for instance.
I have a great life. On paper. Read it: I am a young woman (32) with two beautiful children, a boy and a girl (one of each!!), who are quite healthy and happy, a partner to die for (ok, I am not married and a little voice in my head keeps on whispering that I would love to get married to him but he's not the wedding-type so have to let it go, I guess), a house that I own in 5 years (yes, you read that well, in FIVE years), a part time job close enough to home so I can bike to work, very good friends, both my parents and parents in law (none of them are divorced), fantastic hobbies. Basically, I have all a person can dream of.
Then why am I struggling everyday with my 'happiness'?
Because that is what people do who have all the luck in the world?
I am overanalysing my life, trying to feel happy but ending up numb. I have to read books from Ekhart Tolle to feel good (or better), am seriously considering to hook me up on some 'V', am nagging to my best friend Katrijn on a daily basis about how bad I feel... I can write all this down, see how great my life is, and still feel like it is not happening to me and go on nagging and overanalysing and pulling my hair out (not literally)... Do I need a slap on the bottom?
Or do I need an earthquake, an explosion or a tornado to show me what I have?

1 comment:

Valerie vanuit haar hart. said...

Lieve Heidi, het is een feit dat je na een gebeurde katastrofe leert relativeren... Ik toch... Ik hoop uit de grond van m'n hart dat jij van katastrofes gespaard blijft en alsnog je draai zal vinden... Ik denk dat deze fase wel gepaard gaat met de leeftijd... Veel van mijn vriendinnen hadden een soort dip rond hun 35ste om dan hun volle glorie te hervinden rond hun 40ste... Je bent een prachtige vrouw, veel succes met je zoektocht en ik hoop dat je zal vinden wat je zoekt... xxx