Sarah says:I wake up at around 4:30 am every middle of the night these days and can't sleep from there on. It's wearing me out and just look at my skin. Again my theory rings true. Studies show that women are supposed to look most attractive when they are ovulating - women who are ripe for making babies that is! As I have said before, I break out and get loads of acne most often around the 12th day of my cycle - just as my eggs are supposed to be making their big plunge. My face, rather than saying "hey big boy, wanna make some babies with me" says "keep away! not very good chances of me getting pregnant! Not very good chances of baby reaching full term". That's good old Darwin for you! If this was a few eras ago, I'd be rendered dead meat for sure! I would not be the fittest because my reproductive functions are all screwed up thanks to having one fallopian tube and half a womb and all that. So take the message my face is giving you right now and listen to Darwin while you are at it and keep your distance if it's babies you are after. As the woman from the show COPS said back in the day "Because I'm ugly!" At least today anyway...
Now back to more serious stuff -- I think I don't sleep well because I have Peter on my mind. I go to sleep with him in my head and I wake up at 4:30 with him in my head. I do have to say that yesterday I felt more serene and calm about it all thanks to the serene and calm funeral Saturday. You do get to say goodbye sort of and go through the emotions. But what troubles me as much as it comforts me is seeing photos of Peter - like the ones down below that I posted the day of his funeral. I can remember the moments the photos were taken so clearly. I can hear Peter's voice in my head so fluidly. It's like he's there. It's hard to get my head around the idea that he just isn't here anymore and ever will be again. He's still so tangible. I like that because I can think of him and record memories to a deeper place or put them down on paper so they stay clear. But I also know that as time moves on, memories fade and that scares me -- or makes me uncomfortable anyway. I don't want to lose grasp of this person I have known for all these years.
The song that struck me today was this one by The Editors. I listened to them throughout the last 4 months and so many of the songs on their newest CD are about loss. At the end of July, when I saw Peter, I gave him this CD to copy. I had just bought it and the words hadn't even hit me yet. I didn't know what it was all about. I just liked the music and the voice so much at that point. Now this CD has taken on a whole new meaning for me, just as Greyn's song Arnica has and Bjork's song Unravel and Jeff Buckley's song Grace -- and so, so many more that I listened to during the last 4 months that brought Peter to mind. Again, I am happy these songs are now connected to memories of Peter and thoughts of him. But there is something unsettling about that as well because he really isn't here anymore and that just sucks.
Heidi says: No pictures of me today, but just an idea of how I feel. I feel sad. I feel afraid. I feel weird. I feel lonely. I feel sad.
The Editors - The Weight of The World
Keep an eye on those you love
They will be there when you die
Baby there's no need to fear
Baby there's no need to cry
Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece in your life
Will mean something to someone
You fuse my broken bones
Back together again
Lift the weight of the world
From my shoulders again
Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece in your life
Will mean something to someone
Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece of your life
Will mean something to someone
You touch my face
God whispers in my ear
There are tears in my eyes
Love replaces fear
You touch my face
God whispers in my ear
There are tears in my eyes
Love replaces fear
Fear
Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece in your life
Will mean something to someone
Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece of your life
Will mean something to someone
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"rendered dead meat"
Do I get royalties? And what about Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors?
If I had to give you royalties for all the one-liners I have stolen from you over the years, I'd forever be in debt. I owe you a coke. How about that? As for smokers outside a hospital door, which I think is actually ward, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen... You?
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