15 December: Heidi and Sarah are saving face today. You'll just have to do with the parts they offer you above. It's not that they are proud. They are just bored with their faces. There's a whole lot more to these girls than their faces you know!
Heidi says:
ti*s!
Sarah says:
It's like Laurel and Hardy; Abbot and Costello, those two guys from Little Britian. Heidi and I have totally different body shapes. Do you know that I am about 10 sizes bigger than her-- that's right, 10!!! That ain't right! Maybe even more! She's like a 36 or even less and I'm a 46! Amazing. In the above photo it really shows, I'm afraid. I have always had close friends who were half my size -- most of them were a lot shorter than me. It always made me feel ugly as a teenager. That's not the case now that I am older and love myself more but it's wierd. I mean the grass is indeed always greener on the other side and I know as a large woman I really do long to be skinny and know I never will be. I just wish I could wear nicer clothes and wear them better and have them look better on me. Stupid petty things like that. I have much less of a problem with my body when I am not wearing clothes! I don't always feel fat -- not at all -- and half of feeling fat comes from big fat voices in my head leftover from long ago that will never go away. These days I feel too big. I always want to do something about it. I eat pretty well but I am lazy for sure when it comes to excercise -- especially now that I have stupid back pain half the time that hurts more when I move too much! I am being a wanker. Letting you too much into my head. But anyone who knows me knows this already so oh well, nothing new, blah, blah blah. This time of year is of course hard on the body with all that eating! Too much good stuff around! Anyway, time to shut these self-hateful thoughts down and pretend I love myself!
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