Friday 09 January, Saturday 10 January and Sunday 11 january 2009: sunny Friday, sleepy Saturday, icy Sunday

Heidi says:

What a beautiful icy day! What a joy!

Sarah says:
Above is my Sunday 11 January photo. It was a good Sunday! Got a lot done at home and that made me and Marv feel happy. It seemed like there was more light than usual these days, which made the day seem longer. More time to do stuff. I enjoyed that. I didn't leave the ouse at all. Slept a bit late, had a long breakfast with the family, stayed in comfy clothes, skipped make-up, organized, did the wash, made food. All good and relaxing stuff that got me more ready for Monday than usual!
There above is my Saturday 10 January 2009 photo. A sleepier day to begin. I got a bit spoiled though with a waxing and pedicure and brow job. Then we went to the shoe shop Devolder that we go to whenever there are sales. I didn't buy any shoes but Marv and my kid did so that was good. And then we went to Roeselare for clothes shopping. I found a greenish sweater and shirt and a white shirt. That's right - white! So far, I have only bought one black thing. The rest -- all very colorful. I am seriously trying to put some color in my life!
And there above is our Friday 09 January 2009 shot. It was so sunny and cold. The sun felt great on our faces. We soaked it up! I am loving the wintery weather. I'll miss it when it is gone. I hope that I'm once in New York with my daughter whne it snows like crazy! There's nothing like that.

Thursday 08 January 2009: Sarah is looking blue but not feeling blue at all anymore... Actually, she's up up up again so all is well (for the moment).

Sarah says:
That's a sweater I got in the sales because it matched the bathroom door at work and I like to match bathroom doors. True that! I broke my "you-will-not-buy-black-at-the-sales-this-time rule and caved in and bought a black shirt today. Other than that I have gotten purples and blues so far and some very orange things for my husband. I need color in my life. When I wear heavy colors people tend to say I look good. When I wear black - nobody says anything mostly. I don't care if people say something or not but I find it interesting that it's when I wear colours that I get noticed.... That's about it for today other than I LOVE THE NOMAD CD CATS AND BABIES!!!! It's just so great to listen to over and over again. It is sort of sad music that makes me feel totally calm and happy. It's the best of 2009 for me so far! It's Belgian. Very local - Kortrijk stuff. Fabulous!

Wednesday 07 Janaury 2009: Sarah's face is not worth seeing today and Heidi's face is slightly off...

Sarah says:
I never wear turtle-necks because they (whoever they are) say that people with big upper bodies and no necks should stay away from such wrappings around their head area as it just makes them look bigger, wider and even more neck-less! I am a turtle-neck rebel as you can see! Not only do I wear mine, I use it to hide in and sleep in and store food in for later. It's perfect on these dang cold days. I am wearing the hell out of it whether it suits me or not. It keeps me warm and warmth is needed. My head has never been colder at night in my heatless bedroom! I feel it literally freezing. One day I will wake up without a head because it will just break off like a piece of ice. Can you wear a turtleneck if you don't have a head? What would THEY say?

In other news, I am wishing someone on the other side of the ocean well who I am thinking about a lot today. It must be a hard day for this person. A hard start of a really difficult process I imagine. Be well and take care is all I can think to say.

Heidi says: I discovered today that I am not the good person I would like to be. I said something that I shouldn't have and I did it because I was angry and I just came out...
I have a lot of work to do to become a better person. I will try to do that in this new year. Normally I don't have it for new year resolutions, but this year, they are very important. I will work on myself, make a better version of myself. I don't promise perfection, because that is impossible, but I have to try hard to change myself. It's about little and big things. It's about things people can and can't see. It's about relationships with myself and other people. I have work to do...

Tuesday 06 Janauary 2008: Heidi needs therapy and Sarah is only half here today...

Sarah says:

I have nothing to say today. I can't wait to eat dinner. That's pretty much it! I'm making spinach -feta-mushroom-onions-egg-white wraps with a dollop of sour cream. Can't wait. My kid's favorite meal. I love making her happy!

Monday 05 January 2009: Sarah gets ready to say bye to her mom and looks forward to going to Florida for a family reunion in March!

Sarah says:

Man I hate goodbyes. All sorts. They are often quite a stuggle for me. I chose this life of living far away from most of the people who mean the most to me. My bad! I have struggled with abandonment issues for a lot of my life so what did I do - I took off to Europe one day and abandonned my life as I knew it and started anew. I'll have to deal with long-distance living forever I guess. My choice. But it feels a little harder these days. They say you always end up where you started - or rather return to your roots. Sometimes I can really miss those roots and all those people I am rotted to ( I mean to write rooted to but rotted is pretty funny so I leave it!). It's hard growing roots in another country. Not to say I haven't. My roots here are my husband and my daughter of course. I am lucky to have some great friends here. But roots - not a lot. Not yet. Today I thought about these things while giving a lecture to Erasmus students here about The USA. I always start by talking about my experience in an exchange program and how it lead me to a totally new world and new life and how within about 9 years, I will have lived in Belgium as long as I had lived in America. It's weird. I kind of love this life I have to tell you the truth - most of the time. But at times like these - at times of goodbyes, I struggle... Give me a week and I'll be back on my feet! Can't wait for the big family reunion in Florida in March though! :-)

Sunday 04 January 2009: Sarah celebrates the holiday period one last time before real life kicks in again and is sure home is where the heart is...

Sarah says:

Though I don't have to work Monday because I took the day off to teach Erasmus students about American issues and then to go shopping with my mom, it does feel like the holiday season is finally coming to an end. I look forward to this new year - especially workwise. It will be an exciting one I think. It's been a nice holiday period because my mom was here and it was really relaxed in our home with lots of quiet time mixed with lots of nice visits from friends. I started to feel pretty blue about my mom's leaving a couple of days ago. It's the same every year at this time. I see my daughter getting anxious and sad counting the days. I see my mom doing the same. Even my husband suffers from it. As many problems as I have had with my mom in my lifetime, I have to say she is one of the very few people I can be 100% myself with. There is something freeeing in that. It's been nice having her here. I'm sad to see her go on Tuesday.

There weren't many Post Secrets that caught my eye this week so I went for the one below. When you watch the struggles of people around you - in their marriages for example - it makes you reflect on your own situation. Right now I feel closer than ever to my husband. A lot ofit is because he seems so content with his new job and challenges. I don't know what it is but whatever it is I'm just going to enjoy it well it lasts!

Saturday 03 January 2009: Sarah looks the other way because sometimes it is easier to avoid than to face things straight on apparently... Life oh life

Sarah says:

I kind of like that above photo. It's perty! A different view for once. I think I am avoiding some emotions and misplacing them into other emotions and confusing feelings about some things and thinking that's why I feel ceratin ways about other things so I don't really know how I feel about anything other than I have felt pretty dark for a while other than some moments of good cheer - there were a few days and plenty of moments of good cheer - yet still - I'm all over the place with my head and heart right now and it feels strange and not like the best way to start the year. Hence my profile above. I don't want to look you in the eye today! Tomorrow is a new day and today wasn't even a bad one. I'm feeling bad though - thinking about my dad. Knowing my mom will leave soon. Seeing close friends going through a very hard time. I just feel so very off. As I said - it makes me feel the futility of being alive and living. I know that is a bunch of bull. I'm all mixed up. I clearly know one thing - I hate goodbyes and really suffer from them. Most sorts - from my own to other people's. I hate when people are rotten to each other and leave. I hate when people are sick and leave. I hate when people visit and leave (not always of course). I get a little knocked off my feet and lose grounding when any sort of deep goodbye is happening or could happen... I need to go to sleep. I sound a bit nuts perhaps. Well - Monday starts a new year for real! I will try to embrace the good stuff again more then but I guess I will wallow a little longer in this dark shit... If only I could just easily let go of this dark side of my dumb self...

Well - that picture right there above - that alone is one of those rushes of joy I was talking about. Look at her! She took this photo of herself. It's so freaking cute. She's truly smiling at a plastic wind up smiling thing. It's just so lovely. THAT CHILD IS SUNSHINE! SHE makes me so happy and gives my life so much meaning. She teaches me to smile more. I am so thankful for that. She is THE LIGHT in this life of mine. With that smile and good cheer she manages to lift my dark cloud away -- at least for some lovely moments...

Friday 02 January 2009: Sarah stays up till past 2 am playing games with her husband's good, old friends and enjoys an evening of good food and people

Sarah says:

I'm cheating! I forgot to take a photo until just before bed, which was already after midnight so the next day. Oh well! It was a nice evening of really good food from a new cook book my mom brought. A great chicken recipe with spinach soufle, mustard, swiss cheese and sour cream - the soufle, cheese and msutard go under chicken breast and the sour cream on top - and in the oven. Yummy stron flavor! We also made a portabello mushroom, green asparagus, red pepper, onion noodle dish with parmesan cheese on top. Also really good! My husband's old friends Dirk and Filip W. were there. I met those two guys the night my husband and I became a couple. I have known them since I have known Tom. They are very dear to us. There's nothing like old friends. Roots! My mom was here as well and our friend Tilly. It was a nice evening and a bit of a joyous escape from some of the dark that has set in...

Thursday 01 January 2009!!!!!!!!!!! Let's look back as it is Flashback 1st of the month at Face The Day and the 1st of a new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah says:
That's me and Dirk - my husband's best mate. For the last 6 years he's come to our home on New Year's Eve and for the last three years we have taken a photo together on the 1st! First we eat french toast made by my mother and then we take a photo. It's always great to start a new year with Dirk. He's a cheery, fun-loving bloke!

That's me and Dirk above one year ago on the 1st of January 2008!

And there we are above two years ago today on 01 January 2007!

There above you can see Heidi and me on 01 January 2006! Seems like ages ago! I can hardly remember that night anymore.

And there's Heidi above on 01 January 2007! I think it was 2007. Heidi?

By the way - last year on 01 January 2008 I put the below text on Face The Day as a reflection on life at that time and the new year to come. I stand by it and put it here agin because it still rings true and I am still trying my best to live a more simple life and a quieter life full of quality, not quantity. I wish everyone a lot of peace and quiet and love and more rushes of joy than flashes of pain in 2009!

Sarah adds: Here's it is from last year's post:

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now!~Michael Landon - Pa Ingalls

We who live in quiet places have the opportunity to become acquainted with ourselves, to think our own thoughts, and live our own lives. - Laura Ingalls Wilder

...but, at long last, I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all...I believe we would be happier to go back to simpler living and more direct thinking. It is the simple things of life that make living worthwhile, the sweet fundamental things such as love and duty, work and rest and living close to nature. There are no hothouse blossoms that can compare in beauty and fragrance with my bouquet of wild flowers. -Laura Ingalls Wilder

I'd add: Live well and be well in 2008 (2009!) people and spend time doing stuff that matters with people that matter and not wasting time and thoughts on all the stuff that doesn't mean squat. Consume less -- because we don't need half the things we think we do.
By 2009 (2010! ), I hope my family life is just like it is now. I hope I am singing again and on stage. I hope my work life is successful and feels good and challenging. I hope health abounds. I hope all the people who mean the world to me have more joy than pain. Simplicity is what I am after this year...

Wednesday 31 December 2008: Happy New Year from Heidi and Sarah ata Face the Day! May your 2009 be a goody!

Sarah says:
I like the above photo of me in the carwash. New year, clean car! That's what I'm sayin'! I love car washes. They remind me of the Lorax Trees. Beautiful...

Sarah says:
It' the 31st in the photo above as you can see! Counting down to the New Year! We did our traditional take-in Chinese, had my husband's friend Marv over, watched a really bad movie, saw the midnight fireworks from our window and had a casual and very relaxed evening. Perfect really. Whenever I go out on New Year's Eve I tend not to really enjoy myself. I always have too many thoughts in my head and it's hard to let go and loosen up. I end up thinking about the year that's passed and the year ahead. I guess I do that when at home too but I enjoy it more because it's in my own home. I prefer to be stuck in my own head in my own home... This year, like last year, I had a lot of sad thoughts in my head. I am back to feeling dark. I fight and fight the feeling but it's just there and I can't do much about it. Of course waves of joy rush in and that keeps life going...

There above is one HUGE wave of joy!!! As if you didn't know that! She's giving me a New Year's kiss and a thumbs up for 2009 - positivity! I like that. I'l try to go with that flow.Yet another HUGE wave of joy - rush of joy. My little family is THE WORLD for me. They were in 2008 and I think they will be in 2009. The crappy thing about life is that who can say. You never know what ill twist of fate might get in the way of whatever feels good or is going well. There's cancer, divorce, death, cheating, lying, depression, loss of work, recession.... And these things can just creep up and ruin your day and life. Until life picks up and finds a new way. I am finding it REALLY hard not to end 2008 in a cynical way and not to start 2009 with good thoughts. I have to keep those great, essential joyous moments in my head and live in the now! If only we all knew how to do that. I guess I'll try to live in the now more and more in 2009!

Fireworks! May 2009 be filled with fireworks - the good, pretty, spectacular kind!

Tuesday 30 December 2008: Sarah is no longer happy at all. Not one bit. Totally sad actually! Life sucks!

Sarah says:
Bad, bad news today about friends very dear. My heart is broken and this isn't even at all about my heart. More than anything, this makes me feel lonely. The heart is a lonely hunter indeed - as Carson McCullers wrote... All I know at this point is that what seems hard and sad now will eventually turn into easier and happier. There's a lot of mud and bad stuff to dredge through. Things might get worse before they get better. But they always do get better. And then they get worse again. And then better. I only hope the best for my friends and loved ones and it's really painful to see people hurting. You can only hope for and wait for the better times to come and to go through the bad times while they are here... :-(

Monday 29 December 2008: Sarah is still feeling cheerful!

Sarah says:
All well! I think this will be a good week again.

Sunday 28 December 2008: Sarah is nothing but smiles today... even though she's a tad under the weather...

Sarah says:

CRAMPS GALORE!!! But still happy! Vacation was good and calm and joyous. I feel very positive and even look forward to 2009!

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday 24, 25, 26 and 27 December 2008: Sarah celebrates the holidays with her mom and hats...

Sarah says:

There above you can see my mom and I today - the 27th of December in our new prairie hats! My daughter already has a fancy version of such a hat so my mom got each of us a more generic version so we could all pretend to live on the farm in the barn with ma and pa Ingalls... It was a good day at my husband's parents' house celebrating Christmas. Very relaxing and great, great food!

That's me yesterday - Friday the 26th. Went to Gent and saw my friend Joke. It was a cold but sunny day. We had a good lunch and I did a tiny bit of last-minute shopping.

There above you can see my mom and I on Thursday the 25th of Deecmebr - Christmas day - in our Christmas hats! I guess we think we are Russian or something!

And there I am above on Christmas Eve having stars in my eyes and seeing the light!

Last but not least - in one of the two Post Secret books I gave myself for Christmas I found the above post card. It's an ode to Heidi! I hope 2009 will be an enjoyable year full of more energy and less stress and pain for Heidi and hers!

Sunday 21 December to Tuesday 23 December: Sarah and family go to Germany and hang with ASG and TSG for a few relaxing days!

Sarah says:
It was great to get away for a few days before Christmas and New Year! Our friends ASG and TSG were kind enough to invite us to te house they were staying at in Mosdorf, Germany (Cochem). It was supposed to be a 4 hour drive but we took a wrong turn and ended up in the dark riding up and down unmarked mountain roads for about three extra hours! But we got there in the end and had a few relaxing days thereafter as you can see in the many photos below.

The photo above and the one below were taken at a really old, really German-loking castle in the mountains. It was an easy walk downhill to the castle but we had to drag ourselves up the hill after! There I am above and there's my kid below!

Above you can see us dragging ourselves up the hill. I have to give my mom some credit! At 66, she made it up the steep hill sooner or later!

There above are our hosts ASG and TSG.
And one of the best parts of our days there was that ASG and I could hang around reading our Oprah magazines together! Pure, relaxig joy that was!

And that I actually had time to just sit around giving my daughter undivided attention. We finished that book you see in the photo. It was good for her and good for me to just be together - no work, no school, no stress!
I think the same goes for my husband. He had time to spend with our daughter being lazy and he also could go off on his own and make some music on his computer. Good for him, good for me, good for our kid!

And we hung out with Buster the Bunny! You can see him above and below. He didn't like me very much because when he'd come near me he'd thump. Not a good sign.

I think he's giving me the evil eye in the picture below!

There above and below you can see our surroundings. Very German looking indeed. It was a tiny village in the middle of nowhere with one small bakery and not much else - well there was a church of course...

In a few towns over there was a grocery store and we found matzah! My mom made all of us Matzah brei! It was really good stuff. You can see it below. If I were you, I'd google a recipe for it and make it right away! Yummy!
And thanks to ASG who made a whole bunch of cookies, we all had a chance to decorate them. That was really fun.

Of course there was a warm fire as you can see below!

The End!

Wednesday 24 December 2008: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!