Thursday 22 November 2007: Sarah looks back and goes blank while Heidi looks down...

Sarah says:
I like the above silly old photo of Greyn. We had to super-impose Jan's head in there. My brother did that for me a long time ago! Look at Peter and how smiley he his there. That's how I want to remember him. When he was happy he looked so happy. That was a funny photo day from 2004 I think. We were having a good laugh as you can see.

Today is definitely a dry-tears day. I feel sad but it's like bottled up and stuck. I have so much in my head but I don't know what to say. I'm rolling back the years all day and letting memories of Peter flow. I have seen his smile in my head all day. I have been hearing Greyn songs playing in my head too. These things are nice to think about and to remember.

I have also been constantly reading all the memories other people have about Peter on his wife Valerie's blog. It's incredibly moving to know just how many people are affected by his passing away. It is a strange but very special experience to be learning new things about Peter through other people's words. For example, I didn't know so many people called him 'Dolf". Maybe I missed that in Dutch or something and just didn't realize it after all these years - but it's so odd to only learn that now. It reminded me of another time I was with Peter. We were sitting in his garden filling in Sabam papers for some Greyn songs on our last demo. He showed me his identity card and I remember being so surprised by his controversial middle-name! I remember his being shy about, as if I were the first person to ever see his ID and discover his secret! Turns out I was soooo wrong! I assume that's where he got his nickname from! Anyway - that day on his terrace was nice - just me and him for a while chit-chatting in the sun, proud of our new demo! We never sent those Sabam papers in and just a little while after that Greyn broke up. We did get one really great, very short, gig in before the band broke up. That was last October the 1st at cafe Ziggy on the Vlas Markt on Kortrijk. We played faster than we ever had before and Peter and I enjoyed that so freaking much! Peter was really a rocker. He was happy to be able to play it hard and heavy and sweaty at that moment. He was always pretty contained but during those 20 minutes he just went for it. I couldn't think of a better last concert to have! The band broke up a week or two later I think and that felt right, but really, really sad. I think Peter and I were particularly sad about it because it was our only band and it really had meant a lot to us. We checked in with each other all the time after that, over the last year, to see if we had found other bands to play in that felt good. Neither of us had. The last three times I saw Peter, we talked a bit about Greyn each time. Actually, I think every time we saw each other, we talked a bit about Greyn. I don't know what made it so meaningful to us. All I know is that is was. Now it has become even so much more meaningful to me because in reflection, it meant I got to see Peter almost every week during those couple of years, which meant getting to know him even better and resulted in having shared something very special with him that I can hold onto in my thoughts and in all the songs we made together...


Sarah adds:
Don't know what to say about the above photo of me and Heidi. See, I am at a loss for words right now. My mind is blank and kind of numb.

Heidi says: These times are hard, even though I didn't know Peter very well, I learned about him through Sarah and Tom, and so I learned what a nice man he was. I also saw him perform several times as I was one of Greyn's biggest fans at some time ;) and I loved the way he played guitar and how Sarah's and his voice sounded together. I know he will be missed with lots and lots of people and so he will be remembered forever.

And last but not least, my late favorite Post Secret of the week. I don't just want to watch. I want to help. I understand those words. I have trouble not being able to help people in need. I don't know how to just sit back and watch. I need to take care of things...

Wednesday 21 November 2007: It's a sad day to face here at Face The Day...

Sarah says:
Obviously Peter's death yesterday due to a hard battle with cancer is about the only thing on my mind today. My aunt who lost her son to cancer when he was just a bit older than Peter said that after his death she walked around for about a week with dry tears. They only poured out later. There is a sort of numbness that goes with hearing about the death of someone who means a lot to you. Maybe that's the first stage of grief - something like quiet protest or denial - just not believing it's true or something. Last night when the news came I felt frozen at first. Then I fell apart for a moment. Then I quickly felt very angry. Then I calmed down. Today I am back to feeling slightly numb and business-like. Very rational with only brief moments of very deep sadness and despair. Music triggers it. If I avoid music, I can hold it all in.

Maybe grief isn't a process like I imagined it before. It seems to me that you can go through all the stages of grief within five minutes time, like I sort of did last night and then start all over again. We have no choice but to accept this death. What else can we do? But we also have to rage against it and be sad. There's no way around that and nor should there be.

The photo of Peter above is one of my favorites. It was taken at our Greyn photo session in 2005 by Patrice Deweer. It captures Peter. That was a cold day! We kept ourselves warm with way too many chocolate chip cookies and too much coffee. Despite the cold and the waiting and waiting for the good photo opportunities, that day was fun. There were only two shots of Peter taken alone that day, and this is one of them. Now it makes me sad to see it. It's very moving to look at a still shot of someone who isn't here anymore. It makes me think about his spirit. It makes me wonder when he let go.

This song by Antony and The Johnsons called Hope There's Someone has been moving me through this process of grief. The lyrics are so sad. They have made me think of what Peter was going through towards the end. I have no idea if this is how it is and if this is what someone dying thinks about. But it has sure made me think about the process of dying and about Peter's last weeks.

See - I am being so rational right now. It does feel like dry tears. I am glad music like this song can make tears flow and break people down. It's very necessary to break down or it all bottles up.



Antony and the Johnsons - Hope There's Someone

Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, will I go

Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired

There's a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head

Oh I'm scared of the middle place
Between light and nowhere
I don't want to be the one
Left in there, left in there

There's a man on the horizon
Wish that I'd go to bed
If I fall to his feet tonight
Will allow rest my head

So here's hoping I will not drown
Or paralyze in light
And godsend I don't want to go
To the seal's watershed

Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, Will I go

Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired



Sarah adds:
There's me and Heidi today. We may look colorful but inside I'm feeling very dark and reflective.

Tuesday 20 November 2007: Rest in Peace Peter...

Rest in Peace our dear, dear friend. We will miss you terribly. You were such a fine man and a good, honest, loyal person who would never hurt a fly. It's so sad and painful to see you go but we are relieved you are finally out of pain. We are so lucky to have known you and to have spent some really meaningful time with you recently. Rest in peace Peter De Wilde...

Monday 19 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah have that Monday sort of feeling today if you know what they mean...

Sarah says:
Just a Monday! Nothing much to report over here in Heidi and Sarah land! The days go fast and the weeks speed along. It's turning wintry outside. Home is cozy but our daily environment is cozy too. No complaints! Tonight has Little House on the Prairie written all over it!

Later on that evening...
Sorry but I am in mega-soup mode! I did it again tonight! A 15 minute soup came out so freaking good man! Heidi served me up some tasty out-of-the-box lentil soup today and it inspired me! I opened my fridge tonight and all I saw was a huge head of cauliflower, which I started to simmer in a little water. Then I thought, wait a sec! I'm not in the mood for just cauliflower! So I looked up the word cauliflower in one of my favorite cook books and came to cauliflower, lentil, leek soup! I remembered some cut up frozen leek I had and a can of lentils. I made my 4 minute handy veggie broth again with two bouillon cubes and 2 litres of water. I poured it over the simmering cauliflower, threw in the frozen leeks and dumped in the canned lentils - added some salt and pepper and a bay leaf or two with a pinch of garam masala. Fifteen minutes later I had a great soup. Oh yeah - I also had a few small potatoes left over from last night's dinner so I threw those into to thicken things up a bit. I also took a hand mixer and let it go for a minute so there were still lots of chunks but also some smooth stuff. The soup was divine I'm happy to say and a simple variation of something out of a cook book! I love when that happens!

So ASG Try out that one and tell me how you change it! It actually sounds like something you already make sometimes and have told me about maybe! By the way folks, ASG's good friend MO had a baby on exactly the same day Heidi's friend Katrijn did! Life is wonderful when it's making life and not taking it away! Thankfully all these babies come into the world - though that doesn't make death one bit easier to swallow really. But thankfully life keeps living nonetheless because without renewal and all that innocence that goes with the little babies that get born and survive all the odds, in the big picture, life wouldn't be worth living I presume... But what do I know!

Sunday 18 November 2007: Heidi's head feels weird...and Sarah feels cold...

Heidi says: I drank some alcohol yesterday, and today my head feels all weird. I think it was cheap alcohol... :)


Sarah says:
Holy Manoli was it cold as a bear today! We went to Diksmuide to see the Sint arrive and to eat pancakes inside the famous IJzertoren thanks to my husband's work, which does some sort of yearly Sinterklaas celebration for all the kids of its employees. Our daughter is feeling a little skeptical about whether or not the Sint and all his weird-looking Zwarte Piet-s really exist or not. I think she started to believe it a little again when the Sint you see in the above photo turned out to be the exact same Sint she had a photo with two years ago. She's at a funny age now. She's between wanting to be a real kid and believe in such stuff and wanting to question everything adults tell her. She had a great day today and is behaving really well, which tends to happen at this time of year - as kids know presents are at stake!

Last night I saw a great film called AUF DER ANDEREN SEITE (The Edge of Heaven). I really recommend seeing this film. It moves slowly like a good book and the acting was tremendous. There was a scene about grief, with a mother mourning the loss of her child. It was so moving and real, capturing the mental and physical anguish, anger and loss of control. It was done so gently.

After the movie we headed to a party and I had a three hour conversation about religion basically and now sort of finally understand a whole lot of things I didn't before about the variations of Christianity and about how religion got brought over to America and how it's distributed around Europe. I knew a lot of this stuff but I always confuse it all. For once it's clear. At least for the moment. And now I know I am an Agnostic. Alas, I didn't dance at the party as we all sat in a room far from the dance floor. But it was a nice night out and a late one at that and today was a good day with the family and the Sint. I couldn't get enough vegetables in my system this weekend!! I have been craving and eating loads of spinach all weekend. I guess my body is low-energy right now and is telling me I need iron. By the way, the chicken I cooked tonight wasn't really cooked all the way through we realized halfway through it - so if we are all ill tomorrow, that will be why! Though so-far-so-good!

Saturday 17 November 2007: Sarah sops up some super Sarah soup and Heidi has happy holidays!

Sarah says:
I don't mean to boast but that soup you see there in that photo up there, my oh my, was it FREAKING good! Not only was it as healthy as can be, but it was also warm and cozy and colorful and it fed my little family well. Even my daughter ate it all up. Wok-soups are my thing lately. They are fast! They are warm on these cold nights! They are pretty! They taste great! They leave no mess other than a cutting board, a wok, a measuring cup that held the bouillon base, three bowl and three spoons. All you have to do is boil two litres of water with two veggie-bouillon cubes in the microwave. While doing that, cook up some carrots, onions, red peppers, flat green peas (they make the soup!), lots of fresh grated ginger (tons of it actually), button mushrooms halved, fresh spinach leaves, a little soy sauce and whatever else you might fancy. I also threw in some small pieces of chicken breast though tofu works just as well. When all of that is soaked up nice after about 10 minutes on high heat, throw in the hot bouillon and cook it all about another 10 minutes maybe? Also throw in some fine noodles such as vermicelli ones or Asian mee noodles. And spice to taste and serve when it feels ready! You'll love it I'm sure!

Believe it or not, I am going out tonight! I so rarely go out anymore as I know life is going to get very, very busy soon so I am enjoying my home time as much as I can while I can. But tonight Marv and I will see a movie with friends and then go to a party and if the music is good I might even dance! It's been so long! Man was there a time I just loved to dance all the time but not in years since my whole back thing. Now a year after my back operation I want to see if it hurts to dance. I have to be careful though. I always have to be careful so I am afraid to "move" sometimes because you never know. I mean look what happened when I lifted up that old lady! It took more than 3 months for the pain to go away. Finally, about 3 weeks ago or so, that pain began to lift and, knock on wood, all seems to be okay - though from vacuuming and mopping yesterday and having my period my hip and lower back has been aching badly today ... anyway - I hope I dance tonight and that I have fun out!!! It's way too easy to become a homebody in the winter. I can't forget to get out there sometimes. When I do go out, I have a great time mostly. We'll see!

Heidi says: Jules is so beautiful!!!!!!!! I love him very much already!
Heidi says: The city of Kortrijk has a birthwood. Every year, for every born child in that year, a tree is planted. Yma has her own tree in that wood since yesterday. congratulations to my little Yma!
Heidi says: Driving to a party, where we will be the DJ's for an hour or two...
Heidi says: freaky huh?

Friday 16 November 2007: HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!!! JULES IS BORN!!!!! RAINBOWS ABOUND!!!!

Heidi Says: JULES VERHELLE IS BORN!!! Long live Jules Verhelle!!! You are wondering who Jules Verhelle is? He is the newborn son of my best friend Katrijn en her husband Hans. Jules is very healthy!!! And he is beautiful! (so says his mum; I haven't seen him yet but I believe her!!!!) CONGRATULATIONS to Katrijn and Hans!!! Pictures follow!!!!!!

Sarah says:
HEIDI AND I LOVE RAINBOWS!!!! Do y'all love our own new rainbow! Now we just have to find that pot of gold!

HEIDI AND SARAH WISH YOU ALL A WEEKEND FULL OF AT LEAST A RAINBOW OR TWO! CONGRATULATIONS TO KATRIJN AND HANS AND THEIR NEW LITTLE RAINBOW!!!

Thursday 15 November 2007: Sarah gets up-close-and-personal with y'all and so does Heidi...

Sarah says:
Heidi and I forgot to take a photo today again! We are too good busy! We just don't think about it until it's too late! We are doing just fine together everyday! We are a great team! We were talking about how we are going to know each other way too well by the end of all of this... It's fun!

Anyway - I also forgot to take a photo before I took my make-up off at 8:30 pm and got into my PJs. So what the heck, I thought, let me show my pure face, up close, in full light, no make-up, no glasses. Granted, the light makes me look more yellow than I actually am, but that's me folks! In all my glory! And now's as good a time as any to remind you all how happy I am with my hair-removal process! My skin is too ruddy and scarred and imperfect to be really happy about my face, but the whole hair thing isn't even a bother anymore! Just two sessions so far have already made a huge difference! I am not even busy with it all daily It's fantastic! By the time it's all done next year, I think I'll be even happier with it all! And I think I will go for the bikini hair too while I am at it! I can't resist the idea of not having to worry about all that mess of mass come summertime! Great stuff! I am too chicken to get rid of my moustache - though the lady says it would be an easy process - she did warn that the area could get paler and paler from the procedure and then the absence of it would almost be presence, if you know what I mean... So I will hold off on that - and as I have said before, my moustache hair doesn't bother me or make me ashamed so why bother!

Good night!

HEIDI - TAKE A PHOTO TODAY IF YOU STILL CAN!!!



Heidi says: alright alright! Here I am Sarah! I agree on the fact that it is fun, doing what we do!!! Next to the actual work we do, I also get nice advantages like being able to cycle every day and to swim often. There are few things that I like to do more than swiming. That makes me feel so alive and awake and free and also safe. I love water all around me. I love to move in water. More than in air. Anyway, I do realise I can't be in the water all the time...
Something else I have been doing the last weeks, is working my abs. I am doing crunches every day, about 300 in a row. I have the feeling it is paying off. I get these hard muscles and that is great, because maybe those muscles will help my back get stronger. Let's see if I can get a sixpack, haha (I laugh because I don't think I can ever get that because I have carried a baby...)! Ok, time to go to bed!
Oh, one more thing! The red-nosed reindeer I am kissing, I got from my best friend Katrijn. She is very very pregnant, and I can't wait to see her little baby. It's for any time now, and I trult CAN'T WAIT!!!!! Good good luck Katrijn!!!!

Wednesday 14 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah are better late than never and Sarah makes a wonderful mistake - Marv's her favorite mistake!!!!!

Sarah says:
We're late! Sorry! Did you miss us?!

Something really really funny happened Wednesday! I was at work and at about 4:30pm I was wondering why the ring on my right hand was falling off my finger all the time. I kept pushing it back down. Then I looked at my finger and wondered why I had put my wedding ring on my right hand. When I wear it, which is only every now and then, I always wear it on my left hand - so why was it on my right hand all of a sudden! Then I looked at my left hand and I saw my wedding ring on it and I thought -- what the fuc*!!!! How can that be? I really couldn't figure out what was going on. Then of course I realized that I was also wearing Marv's wedding ring!!! I had mine on one hand and Marv's on the other! It looked so funny! I burst out laughing! Then Heidi did too.

I don't even know why it was so funny. Just the idea I guess -- of being married to myself or something or married to my work... I don't know. It was funny though and it made me feel even closer to Marv!

Tuesday 13 November 2007: A bit of humor, a bit of terror... That's life!

Heidi says: Since Saturday Yma has been getting 4 teeth, and she kept us busy and awake (also at night). That gives the result that you can see on this picture. But: I am happy to be with her, to console her, to love her. Getting teeth is something that has to happen in every life, and she will get through this, and so will we! With a bit of humor, and a bit of terror ;). (I am happy by the way! Some things have changed in my life and they are really good things! Big part thanks to Sra!)


Sarah says:
I'm with you on the humor/terror thing Heiditje! Just look at my mom's book, which just arrived. It's probably full of humor and terror, humor and terror! That's indeed life - a wise man once said! Actually -- my mom's book, which is called, RUDOLPH, FROSTY AND CAPTAIN KANGAROO: The Musical Life of Hecky Krasnow - Producer of the World's Most Beloved Children's Songs, is full of... I don't really know, because I just got it and haven't really read it yet. I did see my name in the foreword along with my daughter's name and husband's name - and it forever associates me with my back operation a year ago -- when my mom was here helping take care of things and writing the book you see before you about my grandfather Hecky Krasnow. I'll let you know what I think about the book once I have gotten through it!

In the meantime, speaking of the terror part of humor/terror - well, some people asked me why I was sad lately so I need to clarify. Let me just say my daily life is going very well. I am so happy with the choices I have made. Everything is taking shape just fine. Each day is exciting and challenging and just love what I am doing - what Heidi and I are busy with each week day! It feels fantastic! My head and inner-demons are another story right now. There's some very sad stuff going on around me and I can't shake it and it's going to last a while. I wake up with it and go to sleep with it and have nightmares about it. It's beyond my ability to control. That's life. That's the terror of life sometimes. I guess that's death. Death is terrifying to watch. And it's sad. Deeply sad.

To relax I often listen to a CD called Ancestral Voices by R. Carlos Nakai & William Eaton with the Black Lodge Singers. This CD along with And No More Shall We Part by Nick Cave are the only two I have on my little MP3 player that ASG gave me long ago. I can't tell you how many times I have listened to these two CDs over and over again. The night before my back operation as I was there unable to sleep I listened to both CDs 8 times. On the plane back from New York last time, I listened 3 times in a row. Tonight, for the first time ever, I took out the booklet from the Ancestral Voices CD and read what was inside. It's calm but often sad music. Very beautiful organic stuff but not new-agey at all - very earthy. Anyway, these words struck me tonight in that booklet I had never explored. I prepared the CD tonight for a friend who can maybe use it to bring her thoughts elsewhere or shut her thoughts down or even make her thoughts clear...
Here's a very simple thought said so nicely from the song Returning As Clouds:

Returning As Clouds

In life, is the rain
That washes the sky
That gathers in streams
That gathers in dreams
That flow like rivers
Back into the ocean
To give birth to clouds
Which become every shape
In the fleeting, changing,
Sky lit circle

Monday 12 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah forget to take a photo yet again and Sarah offers you a self-portrait instead...

Sarah says:
I feel small today. And tired. And worn out. And like my period is about to come. And emotional with tears every other 5 minutes - red-eyed. Storms in my head. Winds in my gut.

Sunday 11 November 2007: Heidi's second half of the day...

Heidi says: Meet Sarrah Cooreman! She is a young fashion designer and a very good friend of a very good friend of mine!!! (okay okay, if you have to knnw, it's Wout!) She has a 'label' called Miss Tinguett for women and another for men of which I forget the name... Sorry Sarrah! Anyway, when she gets famous later, you will have seen her first on face the day! haha!

Heidi says: I just need to show this picture, as I love it so much! Wout in front of his house, waving us goodbye, and when you look inside, you see Alexander and Sarrah...

Sunday 11 November 2007: Heidi and Yma show you their tiger as Sarah watches her little bunny-pighamster rats eat and run, run, run as her head spins.

Heidi says:
TEACH ME TIGER!

Hi Tiger

Teach me tiger how to kiss you.. wah wah wah wah wah
Show me tiger how to kiss you.. wah wah wah wah wah
Take my lips, they belong to you..
But teach me first, teach me what to do..

Touch me tiger when I´m close to you wah wah wah wah wah
Help me tiger I don't know what to do wah wah wah wah wah
I know that you could love me to
But show me first, show me what to do
This is the first love, that I have ever known
What must I do to make you my very own.. ?

Teach me tiger how to tease you wah wah wah wah wah
Tiger, tiger I wanna squeeze you wah wah wah wah wah
All of my love I will give to you
But teach me TIGER.. or I´ll teach you

Tiger .. Tiger.. Tiger..

IT'S 11 11 11!!! GIVE YOUR MONEY FOR THE GOOD CAUSE!!!!


Sarah says:
Didn't get a chance to clean up the little bunnies' cage yesterday so we did it today and got to see the little piggies run, run, run. The rest of the day was a bit of a whirlwind in my head and my brain is exploding right now. The little girls, Kika and Kike, make me relax. I just love watching those hamster-like things running all around and eating up their veggies like good little rats. It's my "zen" for the moment...Too bad that even though we cleaned up their cage real nice, the whole house smells like poo for the moment and I can't figure out why. I think they were so nervous after their free run that they pooed their bums out!

It's Post Secret time as it's Sunday. There is no good way to know what to say and to know how one feels but I imagine it's something quite close to this...

Saturday 10 November 2007: Sarah has a so-so day while Heidi probably has a great one getting massages and facials and relaxing the day away...

Sarah says:
Non-eventful day really. Got a decent sleep last night finally, so that's good. Woke up at 9 for once! Went grocery shopping. Looked for a new garage door - an electric one. Went to my kid's youth group evening, which was nice because she did a little play and we saw slides of her camp last year and she looked like she was having a lot of fun. But it was also kind of yucky, because everyone was smoking, which drives me really crazy when my kid is around and when so many kids are around. I really think it should not be allowed. My poor kid with her sensitive lungs was coughing the whole night away and suffering from it. So many kids were. I really don't think -- especially with all the rules about smoking these days -- that smoking should be allowed in small, closed in areas with no ventilation - during youth group functions. I know I sound like and old nag - but I don't think anyone can argue with this. It just isn't right.

Other than that, nothing to report really. I have a lot on my mind and I'm feeling quite sad deep down. I can't shake the sadness. It's really difficult to watch a good friend facing death. It's something that I think about all day long. Everything right now brings this to mind. That's normal. This is so serious and real. I'm not the one suffering here, don't get me wrong - I get to live. My life gets to go on. I just can't stand the fact that he's going and won't be here anymore. I can't stand the fact that his family and loved ones will lose him to cancer. They will always have him in heart and in head but it's just too sad and it just sucks.

Friday 9 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah are back in Belgium folks and ready for their weekends of facials, massages, and Little House on the Prairie..

Sarah says:
See! We are still trying our best to look you in the eye while smiling so you'll think we're attractive! Is it working? Granted neither of us had enough sleep so there me be a few eye-cockies and spit lines and the like...

There we are in Paris. We had to get a photo with the word Paris in it and that's all we could come up other than the same tourist sign I git last week while there. It's such a freaking great city. The infrastructure of the metro lines is out of this world. There are worlds and worlds and worlds under the streets.

And there we are looking rather washed out while waiting for our TGV back to Lille. That's one hell of a train board. Old school and lovely. Who needs all the new stuff! I would love to have such a clicky, turning info board in my home. I feel like I have one in my head already!

Alas -- home sweet home or rather LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE time! My kid was happy to see me! She begged to do my hair while watching our favorite show. How could I say no to a free head-massage - even if it would mean a few painful yanks, some stuck rubberbands, lots of broken hair and a twisted up brush! No pain, no gain, right? Travelling is fun but there's no place like home. This time I travelled light for once. And it amazes me every time that my back no longer aches, even after walking up and down stairs carrying a small suitcase... You like the hairstyle my kid gave me?
Speaking of Travelling Light - here's the lyrics to one of my favorite songs of all time...

Tindersticks - Travelling Light lyrics

There are places I don’t remember
There are times and days, they mean nothing to me
I’ve been looking through some of them old pictures
They don’t serve to jog my memory
I’m not waking in the morning, staring at the walls these days
I’m not getting out the boxes, spread all over the floor
I’ve been looking through some of them old pictures
Those faces they mean nothing to me no more
Chorus:
I travel light
You travel light
Everything I’ve done
You say you can justify, mmm you travel light
I can’t pick them out, I can’t put them in this saddle bag
Some things you have to lose along the way
Times are hard, I’ll only pick them out, wish I was going back
Times are good, you’ll be glad you ran away
Chorus
Do you remember, how much you loved me?
You say you have no room in that thick old head
Well it comes with the hurt and the guilt, and the memories
If I had to take them with me I would never get from my bed
There’s a crack in the roof where the rain pours through
That’s the place you always decide to sit

Yeah I know I’m there for hours, the water running down my /your face
Do you really think you keep it all that well hid?
No but I travel light
You don’t travel light
Everything I’ve done
It’s just a lie, you don’t travel light
I’m travelling light
No you don’t travel light
I travel light
No, no, you don’t travel light
I’m travelling light
You don’t travel light

Here's the You Tube video of it!

www.dailymedia.us

And if you like Tindersticks, make sure to check a lot of their videos via this link!

THursday 08 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah are up past their bedtimes and in Paris no less...

Sarah says:
To be honest, that photo was taken on the 9th but very early in the morning like around 2am after a great night out in Paris. Heidi had just smeared her make up and mine was off so I hid behind my hair and trying to be funny put my bra on over my PJs...don't ask why... It had been a very good day and evening... Don't we have stylin' PJs!

Wednesday 07 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah are smiling and looking you straight in the eye so that you'll find them more attractive...

Sarah says:
The news of the day is not that Belgium still doesn't have a freaking government and that it's up to the King to decide what to do now - nope - the news is that the GREAT Sigur Ros have a new album out called Hvarf/Heim with new and old songs in new versions and you can listen to the whole thing on Luisterpaal right now!!!!! That's what I am doing and as usual it's just great; moving, sad, joyous music. Have yourself a good listen via this link!

By the way, even though Heidi and I came out looking a little like good witches in our photo today, we were really just trying to look y'all right in the eyes and smile so you'd find us more attractive! Apparently, that's what you have to do to attract people in romantic situations and business ones and just in general... See this article to know more. It is a little obvious though!

Everyday from now until next Wednesday we will take a photo in which both of us are looking you right in the eyes and smiling! Let's see if you find us more attractive this way! Of course we'll have to make sure the photos aren't as blurry as this one is today!

Man this Sigur Ros album is making me sad right now. There's an old song on there redone that's making me think of very troubling and painful stuff. Music just does that sometimes. It's like sleep - or lack of sleep - it just gets you alone with your brain and heart and soul and releases all sorts of thoughts. That's the great thing about great music but also the sometimes difficult thing about it. You can't escape your thoughts and nor should you sometimes. I gotta let these ones flow or they will just get stuck...

Heidi says: Let's smile and do business! That was what came into my mind when I found the article in De Standaard. Is it that simple? :)

Tuesday 06 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah are Heidi and Sarah are Heidi and Sarah...Same old! Same old!

Sarah says:
I'm not getting much sleep lately. Last night I had a major, major nightmare, which is rare. It woke me at 5 this morning and I have been up ever since. Every night it's quite the same - all these thoughts cramming my head. Conversations in my head. Scenarios. It's tiring and disturbing at times. My dream last night was just awful. It ended with me screaming at Marv and hitting him and spitting at him. There's no reason for that. Me and Marv are fine. For that matter, though it was Marv in my dream, it didn't have Marv's face. And the man in my dream was evil and mean.

My head is functioning fine by day because I have enough good distractions. But at night, man does it turn on and turn up loudly and my heart beats a little faster and I breath a little harder.
The below PJ Harvey song from her new CD White Chalk comes to mind...

PJ Harvey - The Devil

As soon as I'm left alone
The devil wanders into my soul

And I pretend to myself
And I pretend to myself

I go out
To the old milestone
Insanely expecting
You to come there
Knowing that I wait for you there
That I wait for you there

Come!
Come!
Come here at once
Come!
Come
On a night with no moon

Because all of my being is now in pining
All of my being is now in pining

What formerly had cheered me
Now seems
Insignificant
Insignificant

Monday 05 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah forget to take a pic together even though they spend the whole freaking day together so Sarah's kid steps in!

Sarah says:
See! See! What a zit!!! It speaks for itself! Just got my eyebrows done so they look okay but the pimple just makes my whole freaking face look a mess! And all those scars from former ones! Man the colder weather and the dry heat make my skin look worse than ever. Oh well, at least my daughter loves me and oranges are really good and tasty right now! Now it's time to watch Lost! Good night!

Heidi, oh Heidi - if you are out there in internet land take a photo and post it if possible...

Sunday 04 November 2007: Heidi and Sarah see the film Superbad which wasn't really super good but was super okay...

Sarah says:
I'd prick (I meant "pick" but have to leave "prick" as a comment points out my spelling mistake. I'd like to pretend it was just a "penis" joke I made to be clever to fit in with the Judd Apatow gang... but...) Knocked Up any day over Superbad and Undeclared any day over Superbad and Knocked Up and Freaks and Geeks any day over Superbad, Knocked Up and Undeclared. I wouldn't even throw The 40 Year Old Virgin in there, well maybe I would. But actually, I'd take all of Judd Apatow's stuff as one whole story of adolescent boy-fun that I for some reason can very much relate to and really enjoy... Heidi too. We just want to hang out and have a beer and a laugh with Seth Rogen and crew - just to hear Seth Rogen's laugh in person. I'd even watch porn with them if it was the only way to hang out with this huge, creative bunch of funny guys! I wish for just a second I could go back to my American high school days and smoke a joint with those dudes. They sort of remind me of the dudes I used to get high with...

And here's my favorite Post Secret of the week for obvious reasons having felt like the non-smooth one and the fat one at a lot of awkward moments in my life. Luckily, those days are mostly over other than the odd blast from the past feeling that can get triggered out of nowhere from almost nothing... But most of the time, I am happy to say I feel quite okay about myself and who I have become and how I look. That's the great thing about getting older. Your perspective on yourself changes and generally becomes more healthy and less hurtful. My insecure days are pretty much a big thing of the past. The talks too much part comes up more than the other parts...
I saw the below quote on O magazine recently and I liked it - again because I could really relate to it. I know, selfish reasons, but true. Maybe some of y'all can also relate though so there's the public service part of it!

Here it is with the Post Secret entry below. They could kind of go together in terms of feeling like the misfit...
I must learn to love the fool in me—the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility and dignity but for my fool.
quote by Dr Theodore I Rubin

Saturday 03 November 2007: Sarah gets a great Nick Cave book from Marv and has a quiet day out and about AND HEIDI USES HAIRSPRAY!!!!!

Heidi says:
I have a lot of special guests for you today! Let's get it on with!

Heidi: above you see Yma! Ain't she sweet? No hairspray there... All natural!

Heidi: Yes yes, if that ain't Debby Harry aka Velma! The bitch!

Heidi: that sweet sugarpie...

Heidi: I love you Tracy!!!!! (Tracy reminds me of Beth Ditto! Same asskicking dance moves!! Same elegance and style!)

Heidi says: dancing in front of my telly just like in the Corny Collins show... FUN FUN FUN!!!!


Sarah says:
I don't know what the above photo focuses on more, the new Nick Cave lyric book that Marv surprised me with today after his visit to the book fair or that huge zit next to my eyebrow?! What's up with that man! What a whopper of one. My chin is getting pretty raw again too. I never said more about my second hair removal session. Suffice it to say, I am so satisfied so far that I might start with my bikini area next time as you pay one base price and then for the extra zaps. If next year I decide to start with my bikini area rather than now as I get rid of the hair on my face, then I'd have to start all over with the base price, so... This is how you become addicted to this kind of thing. It's so easy to just throw another area in. I was even thinking about my moustache area but I am so hesitant because mostly you notice the whitening of that area on woman who wax or get permanent removal and the absence becomes the presence if you know what I mean. And I'm not really ashamed of my moustache area because it just seems normal. You see hair there on most women. Granted I have pretty dark hair ad all but it doesn't make me feel like a freak show. With that said, my bikini area doesn't make me feel bad either. I mean I was born with thick, dark hair so that's me. Getting rid of the hair there would just be for convenience sake and ingrown hair problems (another lovely thing about having my sort of hair...) Oh whatever, this is so unimportant.

Here's the Nick Cave lyrics from my new book that struck me most tonight as I read it after a quiet day of quiet thoughts and reflections...

Nick Cave - Bless His Ever Loving Heart Lyrics

Bless his ever loving heart
Only he knows who you are
He may seem so very far
Bless his ever loving heart

And when your feeling sad
And everywhere you look you can't believe the things you see
When it all comes down so bad
And beauty lies exhausted in the streets

Hold his ever loving hand
Even when you do not understand
Sorrow has it's natural end
Hold his ever loving hand

And when your feeling low
And everyone you meet you can't believe the things they say
When there's no place left to go
Where someone isn't moving you a little further down the way

Bless his ever loving heart
What you do is what you are
When it all comes down so hard
Bless his ever loving heart
Hold his ever loving hand
When it seems you ain't got a friend

Only he knows who you are and what you are
Bless his ever loving heart

Friday 2 November 2007: Heidi is tired and Sarah can't get no sleep...

Sarah says:
It's a rough couple of days in my head and heart. It's so hard to watch people you love in agonizing situations. A person I care about very much and love dearly is terminally ill. I treasure the moments I have had with him recently. It's not something I feel very comfortable writing about on here because it feels so very private and fragile. But it's so very on my mind and it kept me up all night. Conversations over and over again in my head. I feel for him and his family, man do I. I can't even imagine how this all must feel. I only know how it feels for me, which is awful and deeply sad and troubling. I just hope there is less pain for him and more comfort in some form or another. He doesn't deserve this. Nobody does. But it is now his reality and it just sucks no matter how you look at it.

Face The Day Special Announcement! Sarah's mom's book:"Rudolph, Frosty, and Captain Kangaroo: "The Musical Life of Hecky Krasnow" is out in the shops!

Sarah says:

Special announcement: My mom, Judy Krasnow, wrote a book called: Rudolph, Frosty, and Captain Kangaroo: The Musical Life of Hecky Krasnow-Producer of the World's Most Beloved Children's Songs

It should be out today! I hope it sells well. If anyone is interested, it's pretty cheap through Amazon right now with the dollar so low and all.

My mom also has a blog now - called What The Hecky, which you can get to through this link or through the permi-link over to the left there...

Here's a description of the book:
Childhood memories and well-researched facts are combined in this memoir by the daughter of Hecky Krasnow, the Columbia Records producer of such classic children's songs as "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, "Frosty the Snowman," "The Captain Kangaroo March," "The Ballad of Davy Crockett," and "Smokey the Bear." Set against the dramatic backdrop of McCarthyism, the Cold War, the Civil Rights Movement and the birth of television and rock 'n' roll, this book explores the life of a progressive musical genius and details the fascinating children's entertainment industry, one of the biggest businesses of the mid-20th century. It is rich in never-before-told anecdotes about Hecky's work and friendships with celebrities including Gene Autry, Rosemary Clooney, Burl Ives, Art Carney, Captain Kangaroo, and Nina Simone. The book shows how television and rock 'n' roll forever altered how we view children and, therefore, what we offer them as entertainment.

Sarah adds:
Here's an anecdote for you, if we had a baby boy instead of a girl, we would have named it Tobin "Hecky" Christiaens. I love the name Hecky but here in Belgium it sounds like the word "gek", which means crazy. Still - we would have gone for that name and would again if we ever were to have a boy, which we won't but if we had...