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Sarah says:
I get your frustration Heidi and understand your struggle! I really feel for you!
My mom arrived yesterday and there above you can see her with Heidi and me. It's good to have her here. My daughter is happy when she's around. Our house is relaxed. It's nice to be cooked for too! I'm looking forward to vacation for a week starting next Monday!
Heidi says:
I went back to the doctor yesterday. We talked for an hour. He told me I might have Fibromyalgie. He pushed a flyer in my hands and I read it thoroughly. He might be completely right. Fibromyalgie has a lot to do with tension. The causes aren't known, but people with fibromyalgie have a lot of pain in muscles and joints, on certain points, mostly in the area of the neck, shoulder back and arms and legs. They also have a bad bowel transit or system. They often suffer from chronic stress or angst. And when they wake up in the morning, they are tired.
When I read all this, it scared me because I recognised myself totally in this.
I went over it lightly, like I usually do when I am at the doctor because I want to seem strong and not weak, but the doctor said I shouldn't go over it lightly, because if I don't work on it and change my life, I can get chronically tired and that is not something you wanna get.
So what do I need to do now?
The doctor says: Change your life. Take time for yourself. Rest. Sleep. Relax.
How do you change your life when you're me? I am a nervous type of person. When I was 6 years old, I was in a dancegroup and we had to perform. Right before we had to get dressed and to get ready, I started to cry. The danceteacher let my mother come, and I told my mom I had a bellyache. At the age of 13, I had bellyached every single day of the year. I staid in the hospital for 3 days and got examined completely. I got diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The bellyaches never stopped anymore since then. I don't suffer from them all the time, but I can just get a bellyache that lasts for three or four days and there is nothing I can do about it.
When I was 27, and six months pregnant, the gyneacologist told me I had to stay in bed for 10 weeks, because my uterus was too sensitive. Yesterday, I got diagnosed with fibromyalgie.
My personality is this: I am a nervous person. I like thing to be the way I like them to be. I don't like to sit still. I like to be active. I need a lot of sleep (since I was a tiny baby).
When I get a moment to myself, I can't just sit at home and be relaxed. I always need to do something. It is time to change that. I think it is time to learn the art of relaxation. I have a very long way to go and it scares me a bit. I don't know if I am capable. The good thing about this is: I am healthy in a way (I do feel the pain and the tension, but it's nothing that can be located and so there is no operation needed. Everything looks perfect in my neck and bones and nerves). And it's almost new year. New year means resolutions. For the first time, I can have real resolutions.
I HAVE TO MAKE RESOLUTIONS AND I HAVE TO GO FOR THEM.
So what can I think about and what can I do?
- yoga
- sleep more
- rest more
- keep a book about what I feel every day (fysically and psychologically)
- take the pills the doc prescribed me to relax
- go to a osteopath
- change my life, which is the hardest part. What do I keep on doing and what not?
I have a lot to think about.