Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Tuesday 17 October 2006: Sarah has another hairy day and nothing much to report...

Sarah says:
My kid needed in on this photo today so we shared hair. My kid looks nothing like me. But with a few braids out she does have big and thick hair. Anyway, that's not very interesting is it? I'm like blank today. Oddly and as is to be expected, the more negative and hostile feelings I have about the Greyn split are starting to bubble over and surface. That's all part of the letting go of it and mourning process, I know I know. So I'll try to be careful with what I say to anyone about it because these angry and disappointed feelings will eventually turn into acceptance and all that and life will go on. It just feels like a big let down right now! But also a huge relief still. That feeling is the biggest one so it's not all bad. I guess soon I'll feel sad about it and then I'll let go. Today I feel like yelling at all my ex-Greyn bandmates and saying WE DIDN'TRY HARD ENOUGH!!!! WE DIDN'T GIVE OURSELVES TO THIS!!! WE WERE NEVER GOOD BUSY WITH GREYN BECAUSE WE WERE ALL TOO BUSY WITH EVERYTHING ELSE BUT GREYN!!! IT'S TOO EASY TO SAY WE HAD NO COMMON VISION WHEN IN FACT NOT ONE OF US PUT ANY EXTRA TIME ASIDE TO WORK ON GREYN OTHER THAN ABOUT AN HOUR ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT'S WHEN WE BOTHERED TO FIND TIME TO MEET AND MAYBE THE VERY RANDOM THING AT HOME!!! WHAT A BIG WASTE OF TIME THIS HAS ALL BEEN!!! But I'm not going to go there - even though I know I just have -- and sorry for that but I'd be lying if I didn't get some of that stuff out -- with that all said, it doesn't make it any better and I know, I know, it's better not to go out shouting and all that and I won't - I will not go further with all this... I have to let this go now. And I will. As fast as my head lets me I guess! I also have my period today bigtime (see how bad my skin is?) so that doesn't help in terms of angry rages. My head is buzzing. I am not good company today I think. Not even to myself.

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