Friday, October 13, 2006

NEWSFLASH!!!!! Friday the 13th of October 2006: Sarah delivers you all some very sad news on this, Friday the 13th!

Sarah says:
What better day than Friday the 13th to tell you my bad / sad news! My band Greyn is over! Done. Finished. Sad, isn’t it? Very sad indeed. It was a mutual decision. It has ended on a good note. A blue note? But a good note. Sort of. Nobody is mad at anybody. We all enjoyed most of the Greyn experience. We are happy we played together and had the contact with each other that we did. We will all miss our Wednesday night social contact with each other. We may all even miss the idea of Greyn. In theory it was great! But in practice we definitely had our share of problems. It just came to a point that it became a drag to make songs. We sort of lost our musical vision for Greyn along the way or didn’t have a strong enough shared vision from the beginning. We are happy that we had a recent fast but fun concert in Kortrijk on the Vlasmarkt at Café Ziggy for the 0110 event. We are happy we got a demo ready and made our sleeves for it (with my brother NSM’s help – thank you!). We are still happy to give away the rest of the demos we have – hold on to them, you never know, one day they could be collectables if any of us from Greyn make it big-time with some other band!

As for myself, I feel pretty sad and in some ways pretty awful about the whole end. I was part of the decision pretty equally with the other members of Greyn. You just get to this point where enough is enough. That point came at our rehearsal this past Wednesday night. We talked it out in a good way and made the final cut. Mixed up with my upcoming back operation and other things on my mind right now, I feel as messy in my head as I did yesterday. With that said, I feel a great sense of needed relief. I have let go of a few things that needed letting go of. In some ways, my head feels clearer today than in a longtime.

The strange thing is that for some reason I contacted a person recently who for years and years in my teenage life was so very helpful to me in finding solutions to my problems, which back then I had many of. Anyway, the last thing I wrote to him on Tuesday night was how Greyn has been “therapy” of sorts for me for years and how the 4 guys in Greyn are sort of my “surrogate brothers”.

I had also emailed this same person about by psychological state related to my back pain. You have different theories – that back pain is just back pain – comes from something real and something structural – in my case from a degenerated disc at my L4-L5 level clearly shown in MRI scans. You also have theories about how back pain and other ailments come from repressed rage and anger from childhood or whenever. I just read a book about all that which filled me with doubts. But writing to this person helped me a lot because he basically said, throw that book out. By reading it you create another reality, then you talk about it which makes this other reality seem more real and then you have to explore this other reality further adding to the vicious circle of it all. He advised to stop looking at the origins of things and to stick to looking for solutions. The solution in this case for me I am hoping will be the replacement disc operation. That’s all I have got for the moment so all my eggs are in that basket right now and I have to hope and believe it will be okay and work out well for me. So all that makes my head a bit less cloudy and I feel more positive in general.

I woke up Wednesday morning after having written to this person so positively about Greyn feeling like, what the hell was that bullshit I wrote to him in that email about Greyn being my therapy and the band members being like surrogate brothers. It felt like a lie, a sham. I was giving Greyn way too much power. There have been times when Greyn was that sort of outlet for me and I looked forward to it more than anything else and it fed me with energy and that good energy spilled over into other aspects of my life and enriched my life therefore. But that hasn’t been the case for a long time. And it was high time for me to admit that. It’s not that Greyn has turned into a bad marriage that needs to end exactly – well maybe it is like that to tell the truth – although it’s not ending in a negative way. It feels right. Greyn lost its hold on me a long time ago. I had given it too much power – as though it was the most important thing! It has been important. It has been fun. It has served its purpose. But it is really done for me now. It will be a great memory.

Now I want a new band! New experiences! New challenges! I will start looking hard after my surgery when I am feeling better. I am excited for the idea of a new band! I will really miss Greyn though with all that said. I will miss the contact with the band members. I am afraid I will lose touch with most of them which is sad. But that is how life is. And as with a band or a friendship, you get out of it what you put into I guess. For too long now, Greyn has been putting very little into the band and therefore getting very little out of it. Chapter closed.



Upstater said...

I'm proud of you for contacting the person who can help you. They were right on about what they said. I know letting go is tough but from what you have said it is obviously the right decision.

You are awesome and I hope that you know it!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

And I thought you were kidding about contacting J Si! IVPOY! YAAAIHTYKI!!!!!!