Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sunday 12 April 2008: Sarah is alone in her head and in the world... of Belgium anyway, so she feels today anyway...

Heidi says:
We celebrated Wout his birthday today. But it is tomorrow!! It was very cosy!!
Before we went to dinner, I turned into Hannibal Lector and then back to my fresh self... Oh! Almost forget to tell you that in between we went to the EXPO58-café in the Cultuurcentrum in Kortrijk. Four weekends in a row, a DJ will play 50's-music and people can have a coffee and cafe or pancakes and enjoy the music (and dance!). On the first floor there is an oldies jukebox and a lot of 50's radios to admire. Yesterday it was Matto Le D and his girlfriend Mounia, and they did a great job! Too bad there was no audience (except for Nice, me, Wout and Alexander :) ). On 4 May (14to 17 O'clock), it will be DJ's Nice'n'Haydee!. Come shake your ass or at least eat a pancake with us!!! There is no cosier way to spend your sunday afternoon!

Sarah says:
One of those weird days I'm afraid. I feel very alone and lonely. Maybe it's simply because my husband has been away for a week and my kid is at her youth club. I don't know. It goes a little deeper than that. Last night I spoke with a couple of really close friends from The States and I have been in touch with another close friend from The States a lot lately. It's been feeding my soul big time. I love these girls more than any others! As our lives have gone on, we are still somehow rooted in each other. It's not always smooth but mostly as we become adults, it feels great most of the time when we talk. I so miss that kind of connection here in Belgium. I have friends, even close friend here, but that rooted connection and availability just doesn't exist. There are very few people I could really call in a time of need here. It makes me feel quite alienated to tell you the truth. Today it is weighing on me heavily. It's at these moments I can even go so far in my head as to want to move back to The States. Not that it would necessarily feel any better there. It probably wouldn't in reality. I guess I'm just always going to have these moments that I feel 100% disconnected from Belgium and that I long for old friends and my own family. As much as I only talk to most of my brothers and my parents and the rest of my family very seldom, I still feel more connected to them sometimes then I do to people I speak with every week here. When does that feeling change I wonder? How long does that longing keep coming back to haunt you when you uproot yourself? As much as I have integrated here and as many years as I have already lived here, I can really feel total emptiness. I suppose as you get older, you simply have fewer close friends and deep connections so all of this is quite normal. Doesn't make it feel any better knowing that. It just makes me feel lonely and alone and a bit dark today - even though the sun is shining and all. I feel like there is nobody I can call to talk to and connect with. I feel like everyone is busy with his or her own life. Maybe I am getting my period. Maybe this is really just what missing my husband feels like - which surprises me if that's so.

This will pass...

Post Secret hasn't been posted yet so I took one from the Post Secret My Space site instead for now - related to how I am feeling and how I am missing friends and how I really do wish I could be at my friend Erika's baby's 1st birthday party today and then stay on a few days in New York seeing her and my other friends and some of my brothers. That would feel super right now...

Just checked Post Secret again and saw that this week's cards have now been posted. Not a lot of them stood out to me so I give you this one about feeling a bit loony and a bit depressed today!

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