Thursday, June 22, 2006

Wednesday 21 June 2006: Sarah makes a decision about her back jack and is looking forward to finally seeing Heidi tonight! HEIDI SAYS HI!!!!

Sarah says:
Finally I'll see Heidi tonight after work! I miss that girl badly! It has been 5 days now that I haven't seen her. That is a long time for us!!! I will do my best to get a photo of her if she lets me. I'll give an update on her tomorrow if she wants me too and if she has anything to add to these pages.
UPDATE: Saw Heidi and she’s doing okay! She allowed me to take her photo as you can see – even a bellyshot! She says hello!
So after some thinking I finally have some concrete plans concerning my dumb back. I will go ahead with having a prosthetic disc put in my L5-S1 and I'll see what happens. I will have this done in Roeselare - mid- December 2006. I'll be in the hospital for 5 days and home from work recovering for up to 3 months. All the doctors I have seen are slightly concerned that the L4 disc above the really bad one is next in line to cause me problems. When you look azt the MRI done on my spine you can see that there is virtually no disc left in the lowest part of the spine - the L5-S1. That is where I have "degenerative disc disease" also known as "discopathy". Apparently the disc above it is on its way to the same fate. On the MRI you can clearly see that what should be white is turning black, which means the water has left the disc or is leaving the disc. It's not flat and gone yet luckily and may not hurt me for a while but eventually it probably will. If I were to have a lumbar fusion instead -- where they basically put a sort of cage with metal rods and screws in your spine and prevent any movement of that area - well, that could cause the disc above to degenerate even faster. No doctor seems sure that the prosthetic disc will solve my problem but they mostly seem to say begin with a prostehtic disc and if it doesn't work -- well there is always a fusion.

All of it sounds horrid to me. I hate that this is happening to me. I am afraid of such surgery. But I don't know what else to do. I cannot live in all this pain and be stoic by day and almost paralysed by night and early morning. It only gets worse and worse. I want to feel strong and able again. Now I only feel weak and challenged. I still manage to hide it well - but even that is starting to give. Right now it is so early in the morning. I have been up since about 4:30 am in pain. I couldn't stay in bed. It hurts too freaking much to lie down. I don't get any rest. I am amazed I haven't worn myself out yet and that I get through my days as well as I do and just keep going on. It amazes me how very much the body and mind can adapt to whatever comes its way. We all are survivors I guess and what i feel like I am doing half the time is exactly that - surviving. I want more joy - less pain...

It's BELLY SHOT WEDNESDAY!!!! Here Heidi is in all her glory!

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