Monday, February 20, 2006

Sunday 19 February 2006: Sarah poses with a mouse that's been ripped apart. She also shares her biggest secret and later Heidi gives a surprise visit!

Heidi says:
A nice cosy easy Sunday, with a stop at Sarah's house...

Sarah says:
So I went to the nature and science museum in Brussels with my kid. There were a lot of potential Face The Day guests to choose from there. I got a shot with pretty butterflies, cro-magnum man, a big-fat cow's heart, a fish head -- but I had to go with this mouse shot. Despite being a bit over-exposed,I thought this mouse was quite cute and disgusting all at once. I also am taking a big chance here and showing you the results at the museum of a healthy weight and height test. I haven't gotten on a scale in ages -- since I was pregnant. I simply don't want to know. It hurts me to know my weight. Too painful. But with that said, I am sick of thinking I am too fat all the time. I hate that struggle! Two things happened this weekend to make me feel a little better about my weight. My doctor, when I asked him for a way to lose weight because I have been so afraid that my lower back pain also comes from my being too fat -- well my doctor just said that I am okay how I am. That I am healthy and that I'll never be a thin person. He basically said I should not be so hard on myself, should not go on fad diets and should stop blaming myself for my weight. That felt good to hear from a doctor. Made me less self-hateful for a moment. Then at the museum, I took this weight and height test and it came up that though I am overweight, I am not sickly overweight. So that helped me feel a bit better too. I have been very hard on myself lately because I don't feel great half the time because my back hurts a lot. All of that feeds into self-hate. I am sort of sick of self-hate. With that said, I still think I am way too fat and will always want to lose weight and be thinner. But at least today I can shara my weight (in kilos) with no shame and just think, oh well, that's me, I have to live with it and accept it -- and today I do. Tomorrow I might not again. But today I do.

In the past I would also never have showed anyone my face without make-up! And look above, there I am with tired eyes and no make-up at all! Heidi showed up and I was already ready for bed! We took a photo. Here it is and I could care less that you see me with no make-up! Maybe one day I'll also just really accept my weight and all and feel as comfortable and worry less about how fat I am! Starting with today maybe and the other photo above.

So in that way -- it's been a good day for my self-loathing!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

HEY! I was there too! There's no need to rewrite history just because we didn't want our ugly mugs on your website!! And BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO for your insights into body image today. You're an inspiration. And totally right. -AS