Monday, December 19, 2005

Monday 19 December 2005: Heidi and Sarah are playing a game this week. As they take the photo, one yells out a word, the expressions follow and clic!

19 December: Today Sarah had to yell out a word. She started with the word "rough" but the photo didn't come out. Then another word. Still no photo. The last thing she yelled out was: "Fantasize about Stef Kamil Carlens!" - and hence the photo you see above! You must know that Sarah is the Stef Kamil Carlens fan -- Heidi can aprreciate him too but the look on Heidi's face has nothing to do with bad thoughts about Stef. She's got that look because she's laughing at Sarah and her silly little fantasy! Sarah on the other hand....

Heidi says:
I look like that a lot lately
I think something is wrong with me.
I'm angry most of the time, not feeling well in my skin... and you see it in my looks...

Sarah says:
My Stef Kamil Carlens fantasy is simply to be him! That's it. So the look you see on my face there is a reflection of my thinking about having his talents, his voice, his soft and lovely nature. You see, I saw a documentary on him on Canvas on Sunday and again, he just came off as such an amazing talent. What a voice! What great songs he has made and keeps making! What a creative and clever mind! What a nice person. What a good composer and director! I seriously dream of having some of what he has! And the things he said about losing band members is like a family member saying they are no longer part of the family and what he said about when he was with Tom Barman in Deus and they lived together and their whole life was the band basically. His enthusiasm. His respect of his bandmates. His stage presence. His clothes! All those things. Anyway -- now I sound obsessed and silly again!! But that's what you see on my face above! All of that and more! I want Stef Kamil Carlens to produce music I make one day! That's my real dream -- and to sit in like a fly-on-the-wall on Zita Swoon's rehearsals and watch their making of songs! I just want to see how that all goes.
I alos started to watch DIG this weekend. A documentary on two bands who are sort of friends but who are so very different but really want the same things. Every band wants an audience. No denying that. And there's the example of the band immersed in drugs and living together and making music all the time. There's also the other band that sort of makes it for a while but lacks that organic edge and seems to sell out. I think I long for more of an edge. To not be so adult and to go back to my party days and get drunk and high and let it come out in the music and on stage. But life isn't like that anymore and that formula wouldn't work for me at this point. But in some ways I envy it.Just letting loose and being so damn free. That's rock & roll!

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